How 'Bout Them Bears

   As I sit and watch the Alamo Bowl, it is astounding how bad the Baylor defense is.  They could not tackle a three year old.  They are fucking useless.  #8, with the long brained hair is a joke.  He has been beaten about six times tonight and he makes one tackle and he's strutting around, popping  out his chest like he the greatest defensive back in the history of the game of football.  Give me strength (LK).  They have given up 56 points (and counting) with ten minutes left in the game.  AND THEY ARE ONLY LOSING BY THREE POINTS!
    Pete must be having a con-nip-tion fit watching this bullshit.  Vince Lombardi is turning over in his grave. And I turn the channel to the Jr. hockey game and the Russian have scored 14 goals.  As Casey Stengel once said, "Can't anyone here play this game?"
   I may have to watch soccer to even out the scoring/non-scoring balance in sports... ahhhh, well maybe not.

Christmas and The NBA

I have only watched the OKC/ORL game and a few things are apparent to me:
1. The NBA referees are a fucking joke.  Let me preface this statement with the fact that I think all referees are bad.  I have levels of bad: 1.  just bad  2. horrible  3. brutal and 4. a fucking joke  NBA refs are so bad that it is embarrassing.  David Stern should fire them all and start over.  They never get anything right.  They make thinks up.  They give calls to the best players every time and screw the hard working, honest players.  You might as well have four year olds doing the games.  They would be just as good.  FUCKING JOKE!
2.  Kendrick Perkins is a complete and utter asshole.  What is his fucking problem.  You know who he is... he's Francis from the movie 'Stripes'.  "You touch me... I kill ya", ' Look at me... I kill ya", "You block my shot... I kill ya". Lighten up Francis.  You're making ten to fifteen million dollars a game.. how about a smile once in a while.  Hey, I like intensity but your scowl is ridiculous.  Beside... you suck.
3. It is so easy to hate the Orlando Magic.  Dwight Howard is such a fucking baby.  Ohhh they fouled me. Ohhhh they touched me.  Ohhh I can make a fucking fouls shot to save my life.  Boo-hoo.
    Then there is 'that fucking Turkoglu'.  Merry Christmas Kevin Durant.  You woke up today and were guarded by a statue.  Your Christmas wish has come through.  Turkoglu was his usual fucking horrible.  I particularly like one time when he was wide open at the three point line and instead of shooting, passed underneath to one of his teammates that was unprepared and fumbled the ball out of bounds.  Van Gundy is screaming at TFT to shoot the ball, so the next time down the court what does the Turkish rocket scientist do, fire up a three with someone hanging all over him, resulting in an air ball.  A fucking RE-TARD.  When will they send him back to Istanbul?
   How about J.J. Red-dick?  Could you get shorter arms you fucking alligator.  Here's a hint... make a shot occasionally.
   Then there's 'Big, Fat, Baby Davis.  I see that those crossed eyes of  his haven't straightened out in Florida.  Aim for the middle basket BFB.
4. Kevin Durant is the best player in the NBA.  He's humble, hard working, talented and a good teammate.  OKC is my team to beat this year.  If Westbrook passes the ball occasionally, they should win it all.
Next comes CP3 and Sir Dunk-a-lot.  I can't wait.  Merry Christmas to me.

As Larry Bird Once Said "Merry Fucking Christmas"

     I believe that last Christmas Eve, I blogged about the NBA and my likes and dislikes.  Unfortunately this year there has been no games, hence no bitching and whining by TAB.  I will certainly be able to begin my annual NBA bashing as of tomorrow, but for now I have other thoughts.
     Christmas time should be a time of giving, family, friends and celebration, happiness and joy.  Should be.  So why do I want to kill so many people?  'The boy' is home and happy, which is always nice.  MDW is celebrating her final Christmas holiday of her long career.  that is wonderful.   The world junior hockey tournament is beginning and tomorrow St. Nick leaves his bounty to the fortunate of our world.  After spending the past month 'getting into the Christmas spirit', with all the things that involves; the big day is here.  The process can drive a person crazy.  Here are a few things that I do not enjoy about the Christmas season:
1) Christmas music - fucking gross.  I only play Christmas music on the 24th and the 25th.
2) Shopping - this involves a couple of least favorite things - stupid people and bad drivers hell bent to take the last parking spot in the lot. People are horrible drivers on their best days and when you add to this the frenzy of Christmas; this combination creates some of the stupidest fucking driving situations on earth.  Castanza would agree that it is 'Thunder-dome'.
   And then there is the buying.  The sales, the lineups, the crowds, the zombie like trances that people are in while shopping.  Arguments over merchandise, prices, parking spots, last items.  It is a fucking gong show.  Like Frank Castanza said when he didn't get the last doll for Georgie; "After I stopped reining blows upon him (the guy who got the last doll), I realized that there had to be a better way to celebrate".  Thus was the creation of 'Festivus'.  Maybe that is what we need.  Festivus, for the rest-of-us.
3)  People wearing Santa hats.  Do they know how fucking stupid that looks?  Perhaps I should declare myself as the one to tell them.  Nothing looks stupider than some scrawny, chain-smoking, loser, wearing a droopy, greasy, limp, Santa hat.  Real fucking classy! And festive.
4) Reindeer horns on your car.  Another classy operation, and realistic also.  Nothing looks better than that 1986 Chevy with reindeer horns adorning the rusty roof.  I think it looks like Santa's sleigh, don't you?
5) Boxing day sales.  If you remember, MDW and I had a bit of an boxing day 'midnight' madness' adventure a few years back and since then I have maintained a bit of a grudge against boxing day blow outs.  It is a ridiculous concept and no one in their right mind should be involved in such tom-fool-ery.  Beside you can get punched out if you are not careful... just ask MDW.
6)  Christmas movies.  Starting about November 15th they start playing these horrible Christmas movies.  There are only about ten good movies about Christmas and the others are all garbage. I particularly like 'Elf' and the one with Ralphy, the kid whose mom thinks he will shoot his eye out if he gets a b-b gun.  Darren McGavin's lamp that looks like a one legged dancer's leg is the best.
7)  Putting up and taking down the Christmas tree.  Thank God MDW loves to do this because I loath it.  Nothing is worse than dragging boxes of crap upstairs, hanging it on the tree, blah, blah, blah.  And then you take it down.  I like Frank Castanza's aluminum pole much better.
8) Christmas day.  After opening gifts, and pigging out, there is nothing to do.  It is the most boring day of the year. Unless you love NBA basketball.  Five games tomorrow.  Thank God we finally get to see LBJ's talents again.
9)  Getting the correct gift is a very stressful thing. It is good that I have grey hair already because finding the right gift is a horrible experience, especially for someone who dislikes shopping as I do.
10) People who put out four million lights in their front yards, should be shot.  People blah, blah, blah about saving the planet, using alternative energy sources, reducing, recycling, reusing, and other ecological strategies, yet when Christmas rolls around you have these same people lighting up the entire fucking neighbourhood with colourful LED lights.  What a  colossal waste of time, energy and money.  I have nothing against putting up a few light but do you have to outdo Clark Griswald?  If you have seen the place in north west Edmonton with about a billion lights, you would want to throw up.  Talk about excess.
   Other than these things I love Christmas.  Who doesn't like getting gifts?  If only it was that easy...

I Don't Know What to Call This...

    Poker last night sucked.  I played useless and that fucking BP won again.  His bullshit always wins. He may be a walking, talking reality show but his poker game is fabulous.   Yes, I am jealous.
    Today was stupid Christmas drivers day.  I needed to thin the herd.  Also, non turning  turning lanes.  WTF?  Why does Edmonton/Sherwood Park have turning lanes, turning lights installed and yet they do not activate the turning lights?  Is that not the stupidest fucking thing in the world?  Next to it is Edmonton's wonderful method of moving traffic by having a two lane street suddenly end with the curb lane having parking meters.  That's fucking cute.  Your driving along and suddenly your in some idiots trunk because no one has told you the lane ends.  That really keeps the traffic flowing doesn't it.  I have never seen that in any other city in the world that I have traveled to.  The reason why they don't do it: IT'S FUCKING STUPID!
  New feature: The RE-TARD of the week - this week it goes to the Chicago Bears football player who was arrested for trying to buy drugs from a Federal Agent.  He wanted to buy over $700,000 worth of cocaine and weed A WEEK!  It's not enough that he is making over a million a year playing football; now he wants to supplement his income.  Last summer he was talked to by the police about the fact that his name was on the Rolodex of a big drug dealer.  Oh, and the cops found that he had $88,000 dollars cash in his car at the time.  The next day the Bears signed him.  So, who is really stupid? 
    Music:  I haven't reviewed that last few acts (alleged acts) due to laziness.  I did like The Black Keys.  I think I liked them because they seemed a little older that the average band that comes on SNL.  They weren't great but they didn't suck and that seems like a winner in this race.
    The next week was a young lady by the name of Robyn.  I did see her performance, albeit, without sound, so an honest evaluation couldn't be made.  I got a heads up from 'the boy', warning me that if I said one bad word about Robyn, and I quote, "I'll grind your testicles in a garlic press".  'Nuff said.  I hear she's great...
    Michael Buble: Ick.  Some kind of crooning Canadian.  Give me strength (Keener's term!).  Trust me, he is no Frank Sinatra or Harry Connick Jr.  Blah, blah, blah, we wish you a merry Christmas. Ya we get it.
   Did anyone notice that the NBA is back?  Fantastic. They are back to their old tricks: fathering children, changing teams, making fucking millions.  All whilst playing shitty basketball.  I still say CP3 is a little prick. Same prick, different city.
   UNC is playing ok.  They will not win the Dance this year, I guarantee  that.  They are not strong enough physically or mentally.  They are a pretty good team but no way they are a championship team. My heart will be broken again. Ho hum!  But those uniforms are classic, aren't they?
   Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...

A Wacky Week in Sports

    What a week.   My hockey pool team continues to flounder, maintaining a solid eighth place standing out  of twelve.  Fucking embarrassing it is.  Guaranteed if you look at the scoreboard and a team gets shutout; it will have someone from my 'group' playing on that team.  Or more than likely, two fucking guys playing.
    I have said many times that I am rarely wrong and when I am ... I don't admit it!  Now understand, I am not really admitting a mistake on my part concerning RNH but... I will admit that he is much better than I thought he would be.   He is very impressive and might just lead the long dormant Oilers back from the bottom of the pile.  Not this year but soon.  The Oilers have accumulated an impressive group of young players and with a little time, patience and luck; they just  might drink from the cup again in our lifetime.  If only they had a top notch defenseman they would really be something.  Adam Larrson perhaps?(I just can't let it go)
    I love the fact that the NBA (No Babies Allowed) went on strike for over 150 days and in the end they are still as fucked up as before.  The big cry was that the small market teams didn't have a chance because fucking guys like LeBronMoron, Bosh, Amare, Deron Williams, and the fabulously sincere Carmello Anthonly, highjacked their teams by deserting, or holding them hostage to get their way. The small market teams couldn't compete with the big markets and keep their stars; causing a lack of parity and hope throughout the league.
     The now generation showed their character by, instead of sucking it  up and building a winner where they were, joined forces in an attempt to win a championship the new fashion way: by collusion not hard work and stick-to-it-ness. Ahhhhh... typical, as Kermit the Frog once sang.
    And now after four months of labor strife, the NBA is back in business and what is the first order of business to grab the headlines? Well of course it is the attempts of two superstars to leave their team and play somewhere else; preferable where and with whom they want.  Same shit, different month.  
     Remember: hate the players; love the game.  When you watch sports on TV; may I suggest you turn off the sound to exclude you from all the bullshit that goes on in the sporting world.   Enjoy the game and loath the people. Repeat after me...
   Isn't DeSean Jackson a wonderful example of today's athlete.  Every week he lowers the bar on how to act and be a teammate.  How long is going to be before a fellow Eagle kicks the shit out him on the sidelines?  I don't think he will be able to run out of bounds to avoid being hit on that one...
    Albert Pujols in Anaheim?  Go figure.  Good for me.  Now I can sit and listen to those late night games on the west coast with some interest.  King Albert indeed.  By the way: I question whether or not he was a user of something back in the day.  If you saw him about 5-6 years ago, he was huge.  Fucking ripped.  A monster.  I'm not saying...I'm just saying.
    How about CP3?  Ohh, too bad.  Never liked him.  As I said before, he just looks like a prick and let's not forget... I'm rarely wrong.
    Carolina lost to Kentucky this week and I didn't get too upset with the loss.  It was game in which either team could have won.  Next time they play, UNC will beat those cheating bastards (Bob Knight's word about Kentucky).
    Last thing: Oilers defense still stinks!

United States/ESPN - One in the Same

   I am astounded how the USA is so blatantly oblivious to the fact that everyone hates them.  They continue to blather on and on about how great they are, without once ever spending a moment reflecting upon what reality is concerning what the world thinks of them.  Of course, they would argue that they don't care what the world thinks of them, because they are the greatest and what does it matter that those less than them don't like it.  Such an amazing disillusioned point of view.  

   You take an example such as the 9/11 situation to see the arrogance of the Americans.  Instead of taking a hard look at themselves on why someone would do that to them (Jesus, could it be because everyone hates us???), they choose to stupidly continue on with the 'greatest country in the world' rhetoric.  They refused to even consider that they may be the problem, and instead crank up the 'God Bless America' bullshit, non-stop, 24/7.  And with the overall intelligence level of the USA being what it is, the brainless masses; buy in; hook,line, and sinker.  They come out of a situation that should have snapped them into reality, more full of themselves than ever before.  It is easy to understand how they can fall for this crock: tell yourself something enough times, you will eventually believe it; ignorance is bliss; stupid is as stupid does;  or throw enough shit against the wall and some will eventually stick (my favorite!).  Whatever; the Americans continue to throw around terms like 'the greatest country in the world'; ' it could only happen in  America (really???)', 'God bless America (and what … fuck everyone else???)', without thinking about how the the rest of the world perceives them.  

    Two recent occurrences in the sporting world have led TAB to draw a parallel between these occurrences and the USA, and their way of life.  First was the Penn State situation in which I see the whole idyllic world of Joe Pa and Penn State reflects how the dream of sports and the American way of life is so fucked up that it is beyond explanation.  The Americans love the idea of this old man, who has been so wonderful and above reproach; as well as successful, for over fifty years; living the American dream.  Only in America could this old fart still be coaching, winning, educating, leading young men into adulthood, building libraries, raising huge amounts of money for the causes and education.  And then the reality of how things came to be at Penn State hit like a ton of bricks.  How could this be? they cried.  The American dream, God bless America, blah, blah, blah.  This little pretend world they wanted to be seen as the example of the 'greatest country in the world' came tumbling down amid charges of sexual predators and ass covering (no pun intended!).  It wasn't what they thought is was, which is a wonderful example of the USA.  You can go on and on about how great Joe Pa and Penn State was by saying it over and over again until everyone believes it, but the reality of it is that Joe Pa and Penn State exhibit the problems that all places and countries have.  They are not unusual.  Their is bad shit going on everywhere.  Accept it as factor and don't pretend that it isn't happening.  

   The next shit storm was/is Syracuse University .  A second iconic coach in an alleged questionable situation.  Another assistance coach preying upon young boys and nothing apparently done about it.  Another tremendously successful program with a coach that has been their over forty years  with a situation, at best; poorly handled  at the police/legal/administrative level.  The interesting twist in this situation is the 'Evil Empire' - ESPN is involved.  The fact the the 'Mothership' withheld a taped telephone conversation between a victim and the wife of the alleged perp, for not a couple days, or weeks, but EIGHT years, makes this a bit of a sticky wicket to say the least.   ESPN, who fancy themselves as the 'world wide leader' (they haven't really said in what they are the world wide leader…) claims innocence in that they didn't have any other evidence other than the one victim.  Hmmmm?   More likely they were sitting on the story until they could 'break' it and get the credit and  acclimation that goes with breaking a major story.  When ESPN came under tremendous criticism for their actions, they started covering their asses as quickly as possible, along with claiming disbelief that they could be under such scrutiny for something they did or did not do.  To me the parallel of wanting to be the greatest (greatest country in the world, world wide leader) and accepting responsibility or taking the shit thrown at them when they fuck up, is exactly like the country USA.  They want it all: to be the greatest, to have everyone love/fear them, to dominate all parts of life; yet when things go to hell  hey, don't blame me.  We're the greatest, everyone loves us, we're the greatest (repeat infinitum).  ESPN wants to and certainly does dominate sports.  Everything from schedules, TV rights, starting times, where games are played, to broadcasters, are controlled by the 'Mothership'.  They fancy themselves as 'news' providers, hence the crossover from sports to real world news concerning Syracuse.  And then in this situation, they hide behind the 'we did everything legally that we should have' defense.  Legally?  How about morally?  Do you think that this alleged life-long sexual pedophile/predator has suddenly given up his pre-occupation with young boys, during the past EIGHT years whilst you hoarded over those telephone tapes, until you could break the big story?  Nice.  Real fucking great of you.  And now that the shit has hit the fan, you want to claim innocence and deflect the blame and cover your asses? 

Gawd… bless America! 

NBA Strike

  I thought I would not miss NBA basketball, but I was wrong.  I knew that the NBA was going on strike this summer and I thought, ahhhhh, who give's a hell?  Apparently I do.  

   Anyone who knows me, know how much I love basketball.  I have always said basketball was my 'mistress'.  It's what I thought about 90% of the time.  It consumed me for much of my life.  I do believe that I am over that obsession, however; I still enjoy basketball above all sports (even baseball!).  Watching basketball in a great pleasure for me.  I appreciate the athleticism of the game above all.  I don't care what anyone says, basketball athletes are the greatest athletes in the world.  The ability to run, jump, move with agility,  their physical strength and skill level is unprecedented in sports.  Soccer advocates call their sport 'the beautiful game' but I ask you; what is beautiful about twenty-two guys chasing a ball around and scoring a goal every other week?.  Basketball is the beautiful game.  It combines teamwork, athleticism, conditioning, skills, physical toughness, intelligence, excitement and a flow, that when played well, far exceeds any other sport. And I am being deprived of enjoying it because a bunch of billionaires and millionaires are arguing over how much more rich they can get.  

    Now there are many things I don't like about the game.  

I don't miss LeBron's talents;  

I don't miss the tattoos; 

I don't miss the showboating; 

I don't miss today's players thinking they are among the games greatest players in history without having accomplished anything (LeBron, Wade, Howard, and dozens of others), 

I don't miss the lack of teamwork played now,

I don't miss everyone trying to just dunk or shoot threes all game;

I don't miss sport center highlights that glorify the dunks and threes over what basketball is really about; 

I don't miss listening to the players crying about being 'disrespected'(whatever the fuck that means!), 

I don't miss Baron Davis dribble down and hoist up a thirty footer without anyone else on his team touching the ball (and he's the point guard - someone who is supposed to facilitate the team's offense - YIKE!),  

I don't miss Kevin Garnett pretending to be mean  (Mr. Meanface),

I don't miss Kobe's selfishness, and I don't miss many other things that grind me about today's game.  

However…

     I miss the game.  I love the game and to not be able to watch it pisses me off.  There is not anything else, sports-wise; to watch on TV.  I cannot watch a whole hockey game, although I have started to watch some of the Oilers games, for the the first time since the late 80's.  But a whole hockey game… not fucking likely!  So what is there to watch on TV without basketball?  My beloved Tar Heels open their season last Friday, with the opportunity to rip my heart out again (they are the top ranked team in the country - which means I will die a long, slow, death this winter, with the inevitable upset being the culmination of my torture - Do you know the Greek story about Prometheus?.  Read it and you see how it is a metaphor of my thirty-five year relationship with the Tar Heels!).  But college basketball is not shown on TV until December at the earliest, so the drought continues. 

     I have read quite a bit about strikes in sports.  Everyone, me included, is disgusted by the amounts of money in sports.  Is Albert Pujols really worth 30-35 million a year to play a child's game. The average salary for most sports is way over a million dollars per person.   Should anyone really have to play hundreds of dollars a night to just sit in the stands to watch a game, as well as the money spent on food/drinks/parking?  The whole system is fucked up.  It is so fucked up that maybe cancelling some seasons and starting over, may be the only solution.  

   I am a firm believer that the only way for sports to get under control is for the system to go back to the 'old days' when the owner ruled the system.  I know that it's not the best, but to me that is the only way to get things under control.  When the owners are the controlling party, it is not the best for the players.  Players were like chattel.  That is obvious, but look back in sports history and you will see that when the owners ruled, the sports were at their strongest.  Players were beloved, because they were much more real.  Players were not super-duper stars, with entourages, chains, tattoos, Hummers, mansions, ho's, talent, reality shows, entitlement, and fucked up attitudes.  Athletes made enough money to live a good life.  And the owners made the most money.  It's not fair but sport was great.  There were sporting heroes, dynasties, long term loyal players, a faithful fan base and a love for the games.  Now you have a bunch of selfish, entitled, spoiled, overbearing, disloyal, felonious, money hungry jerks. Yes they have the skills and without them, there is no game, but; having the players rule the roost has led us to this point in sporting history: A FUCKING DISASTER! 

    The NBA strike will not end soon.  The owners don't care whether of not there is a season.  No games mean that some of the owners lose less money than if the games were played.  And besides that, the owners are already rich people, with other incoming continuing to roll in.  They don't need the NBA to live large.  It is true that the owners have brought all the financial problems on themselves (spending) but too bad.  Without the owners, the players talents would not been seen.  No one will pay to watch Kobe play at the park, no matter how good he is.  The owners provide the stage, without them there is no professional sports.  Forget talent.  Money talks and the owners have it.  

    I can remember clearly reading a 'Sport' magazine in about 1970, with a picture of Johnny Bench on the cover and the headline was 'Who will the first one hundred thousand dollar a year player?'.   In the latest proposal to the players, in five years the average salary will be seven million dollars per year. And the players have the arrogance to turn it down.  The players have zero leverage.  NOBODY FUCKING CARES IF THEY PLAY OR NOT!  Sign the agreement and do the only thing you know to do: put an orange ball in an orange hoop.  

    This is an another example of today's spoiled, entitled athlete.  They think because everyone has kissed their asses all their lives that the owners will roll over like a whore in the grass and let them have their way.  They are fucking clueless.  The owners are rich powerful men who get their way, not because they are genetic mutations, but because most of them are smart, hard working people who have made their billions.  These kind of people always get their way and they know it.  The players are playing a game in which they have no chance, but are too stupid to realize it. 

    Let's see LeBron take his 'talent' to Miami now.  No one will give a fiddlers fuck. 

Winter Always Makes Me Sad

Some thoughts from the past few days:

- I hate winter. I hate winter. I hate winter. Only five months left. 

- Tiger Woods: Could someone please explain to me the reason that the greatest golfer the world has ever seen can not hit a driver in the fairway?  I have never seen anyone good, hit the ball all over hell's half acre like Tiger.  He needs a fucking two hundred yard wide fairway to hit.  It is unbelievable.  And since when does he putt like a fucking plumber?  What has happened to him… beside the obvious?

- Last night's SNL musical performers (?) was 'Cold Play'.  Hmmmmm?  Another big time act that fails to deliver.  Lame music.  Even lamer lyrics, but the band members looked and act cool, which of course, is the only important thing in today's world.  If they were playing in my backyard; I would close the curtain and turn up the TV, either that or call the police about noise pollution.  SNL is zero for the new season concerning musical guests.  Each and every one has been brutal. 

- One of my favorite TV/Radio personalities: Tony Kornheiser, a confirmed old fart and fellow curmudgeon, stated last week that after watching some of the American Country Music Awards, that country music was now the mainstream music of America.  I agree with him completely.  Rock and Roll is dead.  Many musicians have sang songs about how rock and roll will live on forever. They were wrong. What is considered rock today is really alternative music.  Twenty years ago, if you played 'Cold Play' or 'Maroon 5', it would have been on a collage channel, or an alternative channel (Or more likely - laughed at). Now it is considered rock.  Not fucking likely.  

I never liked country much.  My mom loved country, compiling over five hundred LP's.  It was mostly old country: My baby left me, the horse died, I lost my job', blah, blah, blah.  Sad and mournful.  I did start to listen to country in the early 90's because I couldn't stand the rock music that had developed.  Country music had changed by the 90's.  'New country' had a less twangy sound to it and the lyrics could be from great, to stupid, to funny.  Not all of it was wonderful, but it was a fuck of a lot better than the grunge (?) drivel that was being played.  

I don't listen much to country these days, as I am not a real fan, but if given the choice of a country song to an alleged 'rock' song; I would pick the country song every time. 

- I just can't wait to look at my hockey pool results each morning. Those seven points I got last night by ten players was exhilarating.  Jeff Skinner got three points, which means the other nine got four.  Just fucking great! 

- Hey Sheebs… you see that debacle in Philadelphia the other night.? A stall; hockey style.  And people want to disagree with me that there is not something wrong with our game?  Wake me up the next time someone scores…

By the way Sheebs; how's that Oiler defence doing these days?  I really hate to be an 'I told you so' but it is so easy. 

My Tar Heels are the number one rated team in america, which can mean only one thing: heart-break for me in March.  Mark it down: I will be off the UNC train by February; still pick them in my brackets and then die a slow miserable death when they fuck up in the tournament.  It will happen.  Trust me.  Do you want me to list the historical precedents that lead me to this conclusion, because I will.

- Say it ain't so Joe…Pa?  Another great American dream up in smoke.  Obviously the whole affair is a fucking atrocity, but I see it as another American chest thumping example of how great the USA is, when in reality it is a complete and utter fuck up.  Just as the horror of 9/11 didn't wake up the Americans and get them to understand that the rest of the world fucking hates them. Instead they used it to pound their chests again and tell everyone how great they are to be able to overcome this tragedy.  

Here is an example of the American sports machine at it's finest.  JoePa decided that football, and in particular his beloved Nittany Lions, were more important than the lives of young boys.  It is that simple.  Penn State football and JoPa were so revered by America because of what they allegedly stood for, that they had to protect the 'brand' over common decency and justice.  America wanted JoPa and Penn State to be glorified, as another example of what is great about the USA.  Well, we all found out how great Penn State was. 

And as for JoPa: all those sixty years of coaching with lectures of how to grow up and be a man through sports and the Penn State way, certainly seems like a lot of bullshit now doesn't it?  JoePa had the opportunity to live what he preached and he chose to protect his ass and the school's name over the correct action.  Shame on you Joe. 

I've said it before and I will say it again: there are no heroes in sports and to glorify and adore athletes and coaches will almost always lead to disappointment.  Love the game; hate the players.  

- Here's an oldie but a goody… Why do we have turning lanes without turning lights?  What the fuck is the use, other than to drive me fucking insane?  Everywhere you go in Edmonton/Sherwood Park, you get to go in a turning lane, but there is no light to turn on.  Infuriating.

Stay in the bubble, stay in the bubble, stay in the bubble …

SNL Music Review - Nov. 5/11 (Maroon 5)

I am watching SNL tonight and a band called Maroon 5 will be performing.  Maroon 5?  I’ll bet Moron 5 is more like it. We’ll see…

Five minutes later.

  Ahhh, I am always correct!

Blashphemer!  First song was ‘Move Like Jagger’.  Ha, you wish.  Maybe Andrea Jaeger the former female tennis player.  Sounds  like her also. Except he doesn’t sing as well.   

I couldn’t really really grasp the words to the song, mainly because I was mezmorized by the plethora of tatoos adorning the lead singers arms.  Can someone please show some restaint with the fucking tatoos?  Clever rhyming in this song.  Ya, real clever.  Similar to the lyrical genius Drake, who rhymes like a six year old.  How many lines can you end with a rhyme for you.  Apparently about four minutes worth.  And if I have to see another idiot’s underwear,  I will vomit.   

Song two:  Great! Another singer joins the fray with more tattoos, plus holes in his ears the size of loonies.  How attractive.  And he’s wearing pajama bottoms. But what makes it really special is the rapping.  I love that.  The tatoos around the neck are special.  Does he really need that scarf around his neck?  It distracts us from the gang related tatoos, that we are all dying to see. 

So now we have ‘Squeeky and the Rapper’ with duelling tattos. And they end it with a pretend hug.  How sincere. 

I don’t have a clue what the song was or what it was about.  I can’t get past the tatoos, scarf, underwear and bad lyrics.   Another pitiful performance by a band that will fade into oblivion. 

Today’s world is all about looks and being cool.  Everyting is superficial, with little or no substance.  The music is a perfect example of this.  The bands suck, and they are adored because they have a hundred tatoos and look cool.  And also because kids today haven’t heard any good music, so they don’t know anything better. The music that is produced is laughable.  No one, and I repeat, no one will be listening to most of these shitty musicians five minutes from now, let alone thirty years down the road.  As the guards on top of the castle in Monty Python’s said, “I wave my testicals at you!”

Hockey Pool Angst

   I knew I shouldn’t have joined this fucking hockey pool.  It’s keeping me up night, I tell ya…

   I am not really the kind of person to just join something and not really care that much about it.  If I’m in, I’m in.  In the ‘good old days’, I used to check the hockey scores daily (as I still do), however; in those days, you only added up your team total scores once a week (Tuesday’s Journal had the teams stats) and so you only suffered or gloated one day a week.  Now with the fucking ‘technology age’ you are able to check daily how you are doing, which is a slow form of death.  Do I really need to know every day that my fucking guys couldn’t piss in the ocean if they were standing knee deep in the water?  I think not!

   I’m not going to lie to you, I like to win.  I have always been very successful in hockey pools, winning at least75% of the time and usually being in the money.  To suck, really sucks.  I have a difficult time seeing people who don’t know shit about sports ahead of me in the pool.  I mean, one of the teams ahead of me has a member who once choose a dead man (I shit you not) in one of the drafts.  And like Jon Lovitz once said on SNL (playing Dukakis in a Presidential election debate), “And I’m losing to this guy?”

   I always comes down to me thinking I’m smarter than others concerning sports.  How could they know as much as me, after all that’s all I do.  Watch sports, read about sports, think about sports.  And I’m losing?  Hmmmm?  I don’t get it.  Could it be that I’m not nearly as smart as I think I am?   Nahhhhh!  

   I will put the blame where is should be: on others.  As I have said many times – I am rarely wrong, and when I am… I don’t admit it!  It’s not me... Right Rob?

   I have come to the realization that the reason no one can find a plumber to do any work for you these days is that all the plumbers are playing in the NHL.  How else can you explain the fucking inept players in that league?

Thursday night, I had twelve players playing and I got three points.  THREE FUCKING POINTS!  How is that possible?  I can do the fucking math on how many points per man that works out to be.  Gretzky used to bank than many goals in a night off of Brett Callighan’s ass.  I had three teams (with five players total playing) get shut out.  

   And then on top of it, I got fucking Sheebs grinding my gears about how great the Oilers are doing and their wonderful defense (it won’t fucking last… trust me!).  Rach is grinding me concerning RNH, giving me the old ‘I told you so’ bullshit.  So I got that going for me, which is always nice. 

Jesus, Sheebs plays a couple fucking games in the ACAC forty years ago and he’s an expert?  And Rach… he’s from O’Leary.  What the fuck does he know about hockey?  Soccer… ? Maybe. Football…? Perhaps. Organized crime…? For sure.  But hockey? C’mon, get the fuck outta here!

   You see, getting my assed kicked in the hockey pool brings out the worst in me.   I’m trashing Rach and Jimmer.   I should just remember to do what makes me the happiest: sitting in my bubble and not interact with the outside world. 

Hockey Pool, Oops... I Mean Fantasy League

We used to have hockey pools.  When did that change?  Someone tell me exactly when a hockey pool became a 'Fantasy League'?  What a crock of shit.  I gave up hockey pools about twenty years ago - after a glorious victory in the Holy Redeemer pool.  It was great to beat Dulaba, LeMaire and the rest of them, however it almost killed me.  I had about a thirty point lead going into the final couple of weeks, and then inexplicably my players, who happened to me on teams that had clinched playoff positions, started getting rests and not playing in the remaining games.  Fucking drove me crazy.  I couldn't sleep.  When I finally won by a couple of points, I vowed to never go into another pool.  That last about twenty years until I was talked into going into a 'fantasy league'.  My frustration with pools quickly returned.
Twenty years ago there was some scoring to keep me interested at least.  Now I am just frustrated because each night I check the scores, or the lack there of; and grind my teeth.  How can there be absolutely no scoring each and every night?  Tonight I have eleven guys playing and I will be lucky to get ten points.  Ten fucking points.  Give me a break.  In the old days, if I have ten guys playing on a given night, that would be worth twenty to twenty-five points.
As my team sinks slowly into the lower half of the 'fantasy league' standings, I dread looking at the scoring summaries.  When you consider that one year I had an average of over one hundred and ten points per player on a twelve man team, this year's average will be lucky if it gets to sixty. SIXTY fucking points.  As I have stated before, hockey is in deep, deep shit.  Something has to be done to get some excitement (meaning scoring) into the game.  When every game is 1-0 or 2-1, and 3-2 is considered a high scoring game; something is wrong.

 (I just checked the scores and I have six points tonight, with eleven players playing.  Is that fucking useless or what?).

What has Happen to Sports?

  I did something last night that I never do:  I left the bubble.  Keener took me to an Oil Kings game and I loved it.  The game was great.  I relived my youth.  The memories of going to the Oil Kings games at the old Gardens are some of the best memories I have.  It was wonderful.  Anyone too young to have experienced junior hockey in the sixties and seventies can not understand how great it was.  The old Gardens (really an old barn – or so it seems to me now) was rocking with 5200 people.  The games were exciting, cheap and fun.  You got to see future stars and because the Oil Kings had a noticable local flavor, you saw kids playing that you knew or perhaps had played with and against growing up.  The hockey was tremendous and because it was the only show in town, Edmonton loved the Oil Kings.  These young men were the heros to kids and Edmontonians alike.  This was big time hockey.

     The most fun was sitting up in the North end behind the scouts and listening to them scout the players or read what they wrote down about certain players.  It was cool to know that they thought so and so was top prospect or not.

         Despite really enjoying the game, last night’s event had none of the ‘feel good’ qualities that old-time hockey had.  Junior hockey is truly the best hockey in the world.  It is played at a high level of skill, yet there is a certain reckless, mistakes prone quality that professional hockey completely lacks.  As I have written before;  professional hockey makes watching paint dry, exciting.  Dump and chase.  1-0 with perhaps a shootout victory.  BORING!  Junior hockey on the other hand has excitement at almost every turn.  Mistakes and at times shakey skill levels, make the junior game fun.  People who come to the games love it, you can tell.  They identify with these kids and love the action. 

         What make me cringe was the way the time between whistles has changed.  It used to be that you watched the game in silence and when the action stopped, you discussed, bitched, moaned or exalted in the action.  Now it becomes a fucking circus.  Loud noise blares from overhead.  The scoreboard, well actually a very large TV with numbers on it, roars into action with live commentators interviewing people in the stands, or exhorting the  crowd to ‘go crazy’, amoung other stupid things.  There is tee-shirt throws, sing alongs, name that tune, every fucking thing under the sun, to stop the paying customer from actually talking about the game or perhaps sitting there thinking about what just happened.  No, this is the video generation and we must keep them occupied every single second with a bombardment of noise, give-a-ways,  and ‘cool’ activities to keep their nano-second of attention span centered in the arena.  Now I know why, when they scan the crowds at various sporting activities, everyone is on the cell phone: it doesn’t matter if you miss the action because it will be on the big TV screen overhead right away.  So it’s much better to spend your money on a ticket and then sit there and text your friends or talk to who the fuck ever.

It is a gong show.  No quiet time at all.  Then about half way through the period, the endgates open up and people come out onto the ice and start sweeping/scraping the ice.  Some clown takes a walk from one end to the other, using some kind of electronic gaget that he points at the ice, obviously measures something and writes it down.  Meanwhile the music is blaring, the TV is screaming, shit is going on all over and I’m sitting there wondering WTF?

All of a sudden a goal is scored and this unbelievably loud noise occurs, that sounds to me like an enormous ocean liner is sideswiping some little ship and is blowing it’s horn in anger for the boat to get the fuck out of the way. It lasts what seems like an eternity.  Then the players start lining up to congratulate their bench with high fives and the goalie comes out of his cage to stand and join the celebration.  Again…WTF?  How that kind of stuff doesn’t start brawls is beyond me.

Ahhhh, the horn ending the period.  Now maybe a little quiet time.  Are you fucking kidding me?  The next twelve minutes are a non stop shit show.  Games, skaters, activities, more tee-shirts, the same fucking TV guy blabbing non-stop on the screen, puck tosses and so many other things that my little pea brain can’t remember them all.  Then it’s duelling Zambonies.  Two of the fucking machines cleaning the ice.  So the plan is to have all of this shit going on and then have twice the ice cleaners so it will only take half as long to clean the ice. Fucking rediculous. 

The game was terrific.  I really like the Oil Kings.  They have a great defense.  I think the Oilers should trade their defense for the Oil Kings, then they would have something.  Oil Kings won 8-4.  Everyone got a $10 gift certificate from Earl’s for scoring over six goals (Keener gave me his – sweeeeeet!), and I was home at nine-thirty.  I was great.  Maybe the next time I go, I won’t be quite so shocked at the plethora of activities and bullshit going on at the game, but this to me is an example of how today’s fans need more than just sports to entertain them.  Blame it on the technoligical world we live in or whatever, but the game is not enough for most of the people at the game last night.  Their attention span is so fucking short that they can’t just watch a hockey game.  They need non-stop entertainment.  That is so sad to me.  Sports is about the game, not the circus between whistles.