I believe that last Christmas Eve, I blogged about the NBA and my likes and dislikes. Unfortunately this year there has been no games, hence no bitching and whining by TAB. I will certainly be able to begin my annual NBA bashing as of tomorrow, but for now I have other thoughts.
Christmas time should be a time of giving, family, friends and celebration, happiness and joy. Should be. So why do I want to kill so many people? 'The boy' is home and happy, which is always nice. MDW is celebrating her final Christmas holiday of her long career. that is wonderful. The world junior hockey tournament is beginning and tomorrow St. Nick leaves his bounty to the fortunate of our world. After spending the past month 'getting into the Christmas spirit', with all the things that involves; the big day is here. The process can drive a person crazy. Here are a few things that I do not enjoy about the Christmas season:
1) Christmas music - fucking gross. I only play Christmas music on the 24th and the 25th.
2) Shopping - this involves a couple of least favorite things - stupid people and bad drivers hell bent to take the last parking spot in the lot. People are horrible drivers on their best days and when you add to this the frenzy of Christmas; this combination creates some of the stupidest fucking driving situations on earth. Castanza would agree that it is 'Thunder-dome'.
And then there is the buying. The sales, the lineups, the crowds, the zombie like trances that people are in while shopping. Arguments over merchandise, prices, parking spots, last items. It is a fucking gong show. Like Frank Castanza said when he didn't get the last doll for Georgie; "After I stopped reining blows upon him (the guy who got the last doll), I realized that there had to be a better way to celebrate". Thus was the creation of 'Festivus'. Maybe that is what we need. Festivus, for the rest-of-us.
3) People wearing Santa hats. Do they know how fucking stupid that looks? Perhaps I should declare myself as the one to tell them. Nothing looks stupider than some scrawny, chain-smoking, loser, wearing a droopy, greasy, limp, Santa hat. Real fucking classy! And festive.
4) Reindeer horns on your car. Another classy operation, and realistic also. Nothing looks better than that 1986 Chevy with reindeer horns adorning the rusty roof. I think it looks like Santa's sleigh, don't you?
5) Boxing day sales. If you remember, MDW and I had a bit of an boxing day 'midnight' madness' adventure a few years back and since then I have maintained a bit of a grudge against boxing day blow outs. It is a ridiculous concept and no one in their right mind should be involved in such tom-fool-ery. Beside you can get punched out if you are not careful... just ask MDW.
6) Christmas movies. Starting about November 15th they start playing these horrible Christmas movies. There are only about ten good movies about Christmas and the others are all garbage. I particularly like 'Elf' and the one with Ralphy, the kid whose mom thinks he will shoot his eye out if he gets a b-b gun. Darren McGavin's lamp that looks like a one legged dancer's leg is the best.
7) Putting up and taking down the Christmas tree. Thank God MDW loves to do this because I loath it. Nothing is worse than dragging boxes of crap upstairs, hanging it on the tree, blah, blah, blah. And then you take it down. I like Frank Castanza's aluminum pole much better.
8) Christmas day. After opening gifts, and pigging out, there is nothing to do. It is the most boring day of the year. Unless you love NBA basketball. Five games tomorrow. Thank God we finally get to see LBJ's talents again.
9) Getting the correct gift is a very stressful thing. It is good that I have grey hair already because finding the right gift is a horrible experience, especially for someone who dislikes shopping as I do.
10) People who put out four million lights in their front yards, should be shot. People blah, blah, blah about saving the planet, using alternative energy sources, reducing, recycling, reusing, and other ecological strategies, yet when Christmas rolls around you have these same people lighting up the entire fucking neighbourhood with colourful LED lights. What a colossal waste of time, energy and money. I have nothing against putting up a few light but do you have to outdo Clark Griswald? If you have seen the place in north west Edmonton with about a billion lights, you would want to throw up. Talk about excess.
Other than these things I love Christmas. Who doesn't like getting gifts? If only it was that easy...
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