Road Fucking Construction

       I skyped with Neil tonight and he asked why I haven’t written many blogs lately and I told him that nothing had pissed me off too much.  That is not necessarily true, because something had grinded my gears lately (literally): road construction.

       How fucking bad is it that we have to drive all winter with ice, snow, exhaust and stupid fucking drivers, yet come summer, when the roads are clear; we must endure stoppage, after stoppage due to road construction?   Red Skeleton, the great comedian, once said about Edmonton: “It’s a great city… if they ever finish it.”  That about sums it up.  I defy you to travel on any main thourough fare in the city without having to deal with RC.  It is a joke.  I understand the whole winter/cold/snow/freeze/defrost/ problem that generally fucks up our streets on a regular basis, but I don’t care.  I am tired of RC.

       Here are some of my biggest complaints about RC:

1.         Speed limit – there should be a rule against having a construction zone speed limit sign up when there is no one working.  They threaten you with double fines for speeding and then there is no one there working.  If that is the case, why don’t they just put those fucking signs everywhere.  If they are going to scare you into driving the speed limit, just threaten people everywhere with double fines. They could make a lot of money that way.

2.        How about if when there are people working, somebody really does fucking work.  I am confident that in every road construction there is a nine to one ratio of non - workers to workers.  It occurs to me that it is usually the youngest guy working and the old farts standing around discussing/bullshitting/observing.  I am pretty sure that we could cut down the time involved in finishing a RC job ten fold if somebody actually does some fucking work.  And the fucking money those guys are making for standing around.  It’s a good life…

3.        Here’s a little hint for you construction guys: put up signs that the lane is going to end a little more than a foot from the end.  It is so much fun to be driving along and suddenly your lane ends and you have to beg/bully your way into the other lane.  It’s not hard, just put up a fucking sign 1/2/3 kilometers before the problem.  I read signs.  I’m not sure others do, but I do; and after all this is all about me!

4.        Can someone tell me how they can close the bridge by Riverside golf course for a whole year and now during the summer, they have a one way road, which makes you sit there and wait.  They couldn’t have finished the fucking job in one year? Maybe more guys should stand around looking at each other.  Fucking guys!

5.        My, isn’t Old Scona Road wonderful?  WTF are they doing there?  And what are the odds that they will be finished by November… ya, zero.

6.        Will the Anthony Henday ever be finished?  It is such a great road until Terwilliger and then it becomes a fucking parking lot.

7.        I know that it will get worse.  Come about October 1^st, the city will review their bugets for road repair and see that they have got tons of money left over, so they begin a  shit-load worth of projects, with no hope of finishing before winter comes. And then fucking snow flies.

 We live in the asshole of the world.

Customer Service Bullshit

LeBron, you make it so easy.  Every time you open your mouth, you put the ball on a tee and let me slam it! 

However; I must talk about other things today.  Is it not great fun to try and get a situation solved by phone? I wrote about having to spend over ten days and seven phone calls to get my satellite radio working.  Back and forth, call after call, accomplishing nothing and just getting more and more frustrated.

I have come to the conclusion that all customer services personal have but one goal: to get you off of the phone without doing anything.  It is like they get paid by the phone call and the faster they can get you off of the phone and on to another call, the more money they make.  They couldn't give a fiddlers's fuck if they help you, they just tell you whatever you want to hear, or whatever will get you off of the phone.  They will promise you anything; just hang up the phone.  The faster the better.

After nothing happens and you get pissed off and call back; the next customer service personal will tell you that the first person was wrong and that is not how your problem will be solved.  So who do you believe now?  Why should I believe this person and not the last person?  Which one didn't know what they were talking about?   Now this person will promise you something and apologize repeatedly for the first persons mistakes.  The promises just keep coming and; as is their goal, they get you off of the phone.

Where does one learn this kind of bullshit?  Is there a customer service collage that teaches these people the devious little tricks that they use to avoid solving your problem.  I am very sure that many people give up and don't get their problems solved, which mean victory for them.  In almost all cases where you are trying to get a problem solved; they have your money and if you just give up - Ka- ching for them.

I am dealing with a problem with UPS an allegedly reputable company.  A couple of weeks ago, while opening and sorting another huge package; UPS arrived and announced that I had to pay $12.21 COD.  I had ordered a long antenna cord for my radio and had never had to pay COD before, despite ordering many things for my radio before.  I figured ok, no problem and I paid.  The guy gave me a flat package and drove away.  I was busy cutting up an enormous box and when I got around to the other package, all I found in it was two brokerage papers.  My first thought was that they would deliver the package later, after having to get the brokerage fees.  I was not too concerned.

For the next week or so I kind of forgot about the package until I decided to go to the UPS store in Sherwood Park.  Of course the guy there told me that it wasn't there problem and to call UPS.  OK!

I called UPS and got a guy who was shocked that there was nothing in my package.  I explained the situation and he went into ' Just a minute I'll look into this' bullshit.  I explained and explained and explained, finally answering with a little annoyance that I did not keep the envelope because how was I to know to do that .  My 'helper' achieved his goal by telling me that he has gotten a supervisor involved and that he will call me within one day.  Hmmm… I wonder if that mean business day or real day.  So as usual, nothing got done and I was left to wait for 'a supervisor phone call'.  What a fucking joke and I am stupid enough to believe that they really are going to call.  How do you spell GULL-A-BULL?

   Well, I waited on Friday and guess what?  You are correct sir… no supervisor phone call.  Of course I did not expect anything on the weekend because those aren't 'business days'.  

     Monday was a busy day with things to do so I didn't wait at home for a call, but I did check the missed calls and surprise, surprise… they didn't call.  So today I had to call again to see what is going to be done about my missing purchase.  I had bought a antenna for about thirty dollars and had to pay another 30 dollars for shipping and twelve for brokerage fees; meaning I was out seventy-two dollars of which UPS had over forty. 

I called UPS and a perky little number named Rene informed me that my situation had been turned over to the sender of the package.  Huh?  I asked what happened to the phone call and was told that supervisors didn't phone people.  I asked why I had been told that this was going to happen and was told that that was wrong.  So again, who do I believe?  How is it that customer service people all seem to be on different pages.  Could it be it is because they are all making the fucking things up as they go?  I asked how it was that I was told one thing and now something completely different is happening and exactly  how I was supposed to know that.  Of course there was more apologies and humming and hawing, but as usual, no answers.  So what am I to do I asked.  Call the sender.  Oh joy!

I looked at the bill of sale and phoned the number on the page.  Can't be reached from Canada.  Fucking great. Now what?  I go to the almightily Internet (you know that they have the internet on the computer now….) and find another number.  I make the call and get Jeff.  I gave him my story and of course he doesn't know anything about it nor can he find anything about it.  He says I'll call UPS and find out what is going on and 'I'LL GET BACK TO YOU!'.  Another hallow promise, I assume.  Foolishly, I hang up the phone and here I sit, waiting for another promised phone call.  How fucking stupid am I?  When will I ever learn? The guy actually asked me if he could get ahold of me at 780-467-5131? Yes i replied.  Again I ask you, how stupid am I?  What are the chances that I will hear from them ?… Slim and none, and slim just left town. Keener, where are you?  I need your advocacy. 

(Wednesday - no phone calls! Surprise, surprise!)

HWY 21 Suckage

 Have you traveled Highway 21 to Camrose lately?  What a fucking gong show.  Is there another major highway in the province of Alberta that has only two lanes?  WTF is up with that? This is the twenty-first century and were traveling a road that resembles a mountain path in Guatemala. It is twisting, winding, narrow, and without any safe areas to pass.  Is it any wonder that the ditches are literally strewn with crosses marking the untimely end of another frustrated motorist.  I had the pleasure of taking MDW to 'The Rose' last Saturday afternoon and coming home was nothing short of a shit show.  Wall to wall cars, and no where to pass.  One car after another risking their lives, trying to get ahead of somebody in front of them.  

     I used to fancy myself that I was the 'world's best driver', however; after driving in England, I lowered that to the best driver in North America.  As I have aged (gracefully?), I have come to the realization that I 'may' not be the best driver on the road anymore.  I still think I am a reasonably safe driver, who doesn't exceed the speed limit by more than five to ten kilometres and I signal regularly, which makes me the exception on the roads today. I don't take chances, especially on a road like Highway 21, where death could be just around the bend. However, riding on a highway where there is only two lanes and people of questionable intelligence clogging up the road challenges the most patient of people, of which; I am not!

    What tremendous challenge stood before me on Saturday?  Well for the last twenty-five miles a line of cars were forced to follow a red car traveling between fifteen and twenty five kilometres below the speed limit.  It was four o'clock and the highway was busy and everyone was forced to piddle along behind some moron.  Several cars risks their lives trying to pass despite the dangers.  I on the other hand tried to remain calm, which is not always easy for me.  After many miles, the ranting and raving began, as only I can do.  MDW patiently tried to calm me down and get me to relax, however; the frustration grew and grew. As I said, I don't like to speed, but fuck;  I hate driving under the speed limit.  Why the fuck would anyone drive below the speed limit?  The road is dry and visibility is clear.  The people in charge of our safety on the roads have determined that the set speed limit is a safe speed to travel.  So what the fuck is the problem?  Does the car not go that fast?  Are you not strong enough to push the fucking gas pedal a little closer to the floorboards?  What?  You just love the scenery so much that you want to leisurely take it all in?  I don't fucking get it.

    After a half hour of ranting and raving, we finally got to the divided highway that allows for a turn onto the end of Whitemud Freeway.  I, of course ; speed up because I had to see what kind of fucking moron would be so inconsiderate to the rest of the world.  Oh, a convertible.  A red fucking convertible driven by a old fart about seventy-five years old, wearing a dorky little hat and sitting beside a women of similar age, with red/orange spiky hair.  Loving life at seventy kilometres an hour and not giving a fuck about anyone else.  Of course I gave him the look.  I would have liked to have reached over and grabbed his hat and tore it to shreds.  

     Just drive the fucking speed limit.  Please.  You don't have to speed, just go the speed limit.  PLEASE!

Bulletin, Bulletin, Bulletin ...

    This just in ... LeBron lost... again.

The Greatest of All - LBJ?

  I have made my opinion of LeBron James well known.  He is the perfect example of today's superficial athlete.  He has the physical talent unseen in professional basketball for a person of his size.  He is a wonderful runner/dunker.  He makes spectacular plays.  He has an entourage. He's trying to be a global icon.  We all know what he did this summer with the whole free agency/dance party debacle.  Everything he does is a little too contrived for my liking.  Too forced.  His basketball skills are admirable.  He is wonderful passer.  He rebounds like a demon and he is a scorer despite many holes in his offensive game.  

    I just about had a fucking heart attack when Scottie Pippen had the audacity to say that LeBron is better than Michael Jordan. Huh? WTF? I know Pippen isn't the sharpest knife in the kitchen but how the hell is he making that statement?

    I have spent the past couple of weeks listening to my usual sports talk channels go over the finals and in particular; LeBron and how he has played, blah, blah, blah.  All the 'guest experts' agree that James is a wonderful athlete, however to compare him to Jordan is asinine.  

    Now of coarse I lived through the 'Jordan Years' marvelling at his greatness.  Him coming from North Carolina was great enough, but I was the coach of the Jordan Scots which even made 'our connection' stronger.  I told everyone we were the only school named after the great Michael Jordan, which of coarse was bullshit but …  I have read at least five or more books on Jordan and despite idolizing him as a player, I have come to understand what a flawed human being he was and still is.  He is a horrible person.  He treats everyone in the world with such little respect that it is despicable.  He believes he is above everyone and can treat them as poorly has he chooses.  Being competitive is one thing but knowing that you are a better basketball player does not give you the right to dismiss everyone in all walks of life; and Jordan does this. He truly believes that he is above all people and can do and say whatever he wants to anyone.  It is sad to see such a famous person be so unlikeable.  

    LeBron on the other hand is a seemingly nice guy.  Sure he full of himself, with an ego the size of the world, but he doesn't have the personality faults that Jordan has.  Jordan would kill his mother to win a game.  Bron would help his grandmother across the street. Jordan's teammates hated him.  Bron's teammates loved him.  Jordan won six rings.  LeBron hasn't won a single one. And this is the big difference between the two.  Jordan willed, abused, threatened, and pretty much did whatever he wanted to his teammates in an effort to motivate them or get them to work hard enough so Jordan would be the winner.  I do not believe the LBJ has that ability.  Jordan stuck it out with his Bulls, even when they sucked.  It took Jordan seven years to win a championship and he did it out of sure will, as opposed to changing teams and gathering two other great players to join him in an attempt to 'win' a championship.  To do what LBJ did this summer, would have been seen by Jordan as admitting defeat, in that he couldn't do it himself.  

    And for Scottie Pippen to say that LBJ is better than MJ is astonishing, especially in the fact that without Jordan, Pippen would likely have never amounted to much as a player.  Jordan made him cry daily in practice.  He rode Pippen with the intent of getting the best out of him, which in turn; would give Jordan more chance to win championships.  Maybe Pippen now resents Jordan for what he did but when Pippen didn't have Jordan there taking the pressure off of him, he was no where near the player he was when teamed with Jordan. He suffered with migraines (imaginary?) throughout the playoffs at many times and even quit on his team in a playoff game at a time of them needing him the most.  His mental toughness has always been questioned and having Jordan there was his only chance for success.  An accolades that Pippen has achieved were because of Jordan.  Plain and simple. His comments concerning LBJ being allegedly better than MJ is nucking futs.  Let's compare the two:

Athletically

    Jordan was an extraordinary athlete.  He had incredible quickness and explosiveness, as well as the ability to, seemly; hang in the air for long periods of time.  He was fast, he could run forever and his conditioning was exceptional. Jordan was bouncy.  He could jump tremendously high whether he was on the run, or off two feet from a standing start. 

    James is not the tremendous athlete that Jordan was.  He is much stronger than Jordan, and he jumps very well, although he needs to have a running start to achieve his impressive vertical.  He without a doubt is the faster basketball player I have ever seen.  He runs the wing on the break with breath taking speed.  Just imagine him as a tight end in football.  He would be unstoppable. He is also an incredibly fit athlete, with the ability to play the entire game.   LBJ does have some serious limitations athletically.  He is not explosive.  This is shown in his inability to jump well off of two feet, or to be able to drive past someone from the wing in the half court.

   Slight advantage Jordan

Physically

     Jordan was a freak in his family, with no one else being taller than 5'6.  He was long, strong, reasonably healthy and blessed with enormous hands that allowed him to handle the ball like a tennis ball.  He got much stronger throughout his career and this helped him expand his game - something that LBJ hasn't adopted. 

    LeBron is a physical marvel.  The only other basketball player that I could say that about is Shaq.  LBJ is a monster physically.  To be able to do what he does at his size is incredible.  Six foot eight and at least two hundred and sixty pounds and to be able to move like he does is incredible.  His hands limit his handle the ball, but his strength is unstoppable. 

    Advantage LeBron

Fundamentals

    Jordan went to UNC for three years and played for the greatest coach in the history of collage basketball.  He had the luck of playing for Bob Knight in the Olympics, so he was drilled daily for three years in the fundamentals of the game by two legends.  His fundamentals both offensively and defensively were impeccable.  

   James never spent a minute in collage and has always relied upon his physical domination to succeed.  

    Huge advantage Jordan

Competitiveness

    Jordan had to win at everything.  He once left his room at UNC and didn't come back for three days when he lost a table tennis match to his room mate.  He walked out of a Bulls practice because he believed his team won a scrimmage and the coach said they lost. Winning wasn't the only thing for Jordan, it defined his life.  He would do anything to win.  A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

    James wants to win.  He would like to win.  He will try to win.  He accepts losing and hopes to do better the next time.  Nice.

    Immeasurable advantage Jordan

Offensively

     Jordan was not a great shooter at UNC, despite making the winning 20 footer in the championship game in '82.  He worked hard in the off season to improve his jump shot to the point of being a very good shooter by the end of his career.  He also worked on his range, increasing it to include a reasonable three point shot.  His strength was taking the ball to the basket and either scoring or drawing the foul; and in many cases, both.  His explosiveness was a tremendous weapon and when he added the threat of a consistent jump shot; he became literally unstoppable.  In later years he worked hard in the off season to develop a post up game, which lessened the wear and tear on his body which teams battered when he drove to the basket.  He was an excellent foul shooter in both percentage and in clutch situation.  He was able to play both on and off the ball successfully, as well as swing over to the point guard position and facilitate the offense.  He loved to score but once he had confidence in his team mates (always difficult for him), his assist number rose considerably.  He was able to play in the triangle offense and still score at will within it. The Bulls didn't run a lot of isolation plays on one side of the floor with Jordan taking the ball and everyone else standing and watching him beat the other team.  He was sneaky offensive rebounder who had to be checked off by the defense because he just loved to score and take advantage of any situation that he could.  Jordan handled the ball well and was able to drive to the basket with either hand and finish. Michael was a marvel on the break.  No one finished with the flair and consistency that MJ did.  The commercials talked about a man who could fly.  It had to be the shoes … right?

   LeBron's offensive game is not as expansive as MJ's.  He is wonderful on the break, especially on the wing, where his incredible speed and strength makes him ridiculous.  He is a scorer.  He gets his points because he is physically superior to everyone else.  Nothing else in his offensive repertoire is above average.  He is not a great shooter.  He is streaky and as one brilliant coach once said, when he's hot, he never misses!"  Unfortunately he is not a consistent shooter.  He is not explosive and in the half court and doesn't take his man to the basket with quickness; instead he uses his considerable strength to bully his way to the hoop.  He has zero post up game.  ZERO!  His offensive game usually consist of LBJ standing at the three point line and everyone else watching  With the clock running down, he fires up a three, usually with mixed results.  His mid-range game is limited.  He does drive and pass to the open man exceptionally well.  His vision and anticipation  are incredible.  LeBron is a below average free throw shooter, which may be the reason for his lack of aggression and willingness to attack the basket. LBJ is not a good offensive rebounder in that he usually at the three point line and not involved in chasing missed shots.  

    Huge advantage Jordan

    Most of the advantages that MJ has are things that he developed in the off season.  He wanted to get better and expanded his game through hard work and many hours in the gym.  LBJ has not improved his offensive game much in his career.  He is a better shooter than when he first entered the league but he has still not improved enough to be a consistent threat from outside.  He hasn't worked on the post up game, or his mid-range game.  His free throw shooting  hasn't improved much.  Do you see the pattern here?  Jordan wanted to be the best and he worked in the off season to achieve those goals.  He made himself a better offensive player.

   LBJ has not worked on his game in the off season.  Simple.  He wants to be a global icon and in the off season he spends his time pursuing those interests.  That is why I have little respect for him.  He wants to win but he is not willing to pay the price to achieve those goals.  Instead of him getting better and willing his team mates to greatness, he ran  to another team and cajoled two other stars to join him.  All the things that he is not great at, he could improve dramatically.  Free throw shooting,  a post up game, and an outside shot, are all areas that he could improve with work.  In the off season.  He simply doesn't do it.  How could he be greater than MJ when he doesn't pay the price?

  

  Defense

   MJ would rather let you kill him than to allow you to score on him.  He excelled at defense.  His effort and desire to be a great defender never wavered.  He always was an all-defensive team player. 

    LBJ has improved tremendously and is now considered a defensive stopper.  He wasn't always that way.  He still doesn't dominate games defensively, however he has become a leader on his team as a defender.  He is also a great defensive rebounder.

    Advantage Jordan

Mental toughness

    MJ was incredibly tough mentally.  He played mind games his whole career.  He created mental challenges almost every night to maintain his intensity and interest.  He took every slight, criticism  or remark personally and turned it into a mental advantage for him.  He loved the challenge.  He lived for it.  Mentally, he was every bit as strong as Tiger Woods and that is to say something.

   LBJ is too sensitive to be mentally tough.  He takes every criticism and remark to heart and either pouts, whines or quits when the going gets tough.  

    Huge advantage Jordan

Championships

    Jordan 6

    James 0

    Immeasurable advantage Jordan

   Let's count the score.

  Jordan 7 - competitiveness, athleticism, fundamentals, offense, defense, mental toughness, and championships,

  LeBron 1 - physicalness

Hmm?  How the fuck could Pippen come to the conclusion that LBJ is greater than MJ?  I told you he wasn't that bright.  

Mans Best ... Friend?

     I know that I am to get a lot of people pissed off at me for this but I don't get dogs.  WTF is the attraction?  I understand companionship, loyalty, etc but I am astounded how people treat dogs better than they treat humans. From letting them drive, to feeding them Fillet Mignon, people fawn over dogs like nothing I have ever seen . Yes the fact is that I never had a dog in my life, may have something to do with it, however; I have never had the desire to have a dog.  

    It is not that I don't like dogs.  I have nothing against them.  I don't throw rocks at them or kick them when walking past.  I just  don't feel compelled to go to every dog I see and pat its head, rub its belly, or start talking to it like it was two year old child.  It's a dog.  An animal.  Not a human.  And I don't for the life of me understand people treating an animal with much more love and compassion than they do for their fellow human beings.  It seems a contradiction to me to see people who wouldn't do anything for anyone, show such tenderness and love for an animal.  It is my opinion that people like dogs so much because they know they don't have to do anything to get the dog to like them.  They can act whatever way they choose and the dog will still like them.  It is easier than being nice to another human.  With humans there is effort needed to maintain a relationship.  Most people are too fucking lazy or self-centred to put in the effort and work involved with friendship.  A dog is just way easier.  Low maintenance and ignorable if need be. A dog is a relationship of convenience.  People start out all gung-ho concerning walking the dog and playing with it and then, as in most things, their effort and commitment peters out.  

    Dog owners are odd to me.  If you asked every dog owner in the entire world about taking dogs for walks and their dog defecating on the sidewalk; every single dog owner in the world would say that they never do that.  My question is this: if that is the case, then how come the world is knee deep with dog shit?  Obviously someone is not telling the truth.  Try getting up at 6:00 A.M. and go for a run around Sherwood Park.  The sidewalks are covered with dog do-do.  Someone is not doing their job, but no one will take responsibility for it.  

    Another question I have is why is ok for someone to walk their dog and piss up my lawn?  During the winter, there is the tell-tale sign of yellow snow all over my front yard… a really attractive sight if there ever was one in your front yard.  Then spring rolls around and the alleged responsible people continue their walks and allow the dog to piss up my grass.  Not long afterward, there on my grass is a little yellow dead spot where Rover or Fluffy, has watered as a regular occurrence.  Does that responsible adult then come and replant my grass… of course not.  That would be my job.  Isn't that a fair exchange.  I work really hard to have nice grass and some moron lets his dog piss it up to the point where it dies. And I have to do the work to fix it.  That's just fucking wonderful.  But of course no one will admit that it is their dog that is doing it. Maybe the next time I see a dog urinating on my grass, I'll follow that person home and relieving myself on their front grass.  And do it over and over and over again.  That seems fair … doesn't it?   

     I recently drove past an off leash area and there had to be fifty cars there with the owners walking their dogs.  This place was at least ten minutes (minimum) from Sherwood Park, so it had to be a least an hour out of their day to walk their dog. I remarked to MDW that the fucking parents of the world can't find fifteen minutes to read with their children, but they find an hour to walk their dog.  I don't get that.  Where are their priorities?  Some people will say that these people do both but I don't buy it.  Again I tell you, dog lovers treat their dogs better than human beings.  

   Is it necessary for people to bring their dogs everywhere?  I have already told  you about my feelings concerning dogs being on their brilliant owners saps/shoulders/heads/steering wheels whilst driving.  Is there not a law against that?  Go down 82nd Ave and see how many people have their dogs with them while they shop.  Butchart Gardens in Victoria was  overrun with dogs the day we were there.  Is that fucking necessary?  Do we have to take the dog to a restaurant?  Can't we survive two hours without seeing Rover?  The other day at the airport, this women was going on the airplane with her dog.  A little rat actually.  How is that possible that she can take a dog on the airplane?  Not in a cage but on her lap.  Huhhhh?  I have got to squeeze my fat ass into a little seat and there two inches away from me sits Rover.  For the next X number of hours I get to breath in Rover's lovely breath.    

      Then there is the people with the mean, fucking dogs that would kill you if they got the chance.  Their macho owners get drug around by these vicious bastards and you just want to run away when you see them coming.   By and large these owners all have tattoos, mullets and  fu-manchus They would kill you also, if they could.

     How about the people that dress their dogs up?  Is that fucking degrading or what?  I'll bet Rover is thinking : Fuck, I look like an idiot.  I need to piss on someone's tire… Nothing looks stupider than a dog with kerchief tied around its neck.   

   I love being the victim of a dog's apparent affection; shown by one the following actions: tail wagging - not unpleasant, licking - tremendously unpleasant, butt sniffing - embarrassing/degrading, leg humping - WTF? How do you like it?   What exactly can you do if a dog comes up to you and either sniffer your ass/crotch or starts pleasuring itself on your leg?  The dog owners act like it's a great honour for you to be treated this way by their dog. Ya, what a great fucking honour that is.  "oh, he must like you," they say.  Really?  He likes me?  Isn't that wonderful?  Do you think you could get him to 'like' my leg a little less?  My preferred action from a dog is indifference and  I return it willingly. 

    My stupid fucking sister, used to let her dog eat off of the same plates that I ate with.  When I bitched and complained about it, her; in her never-ending brilliance, told me that his mouth was cleaner than mine.  My response was to ask her the last time you saw me licking my balls? And his mouth is cleaner than mine? Ya right!

I like Lucy, from 'Charlie Brown', who cried in horror "I've been kissed by a dog."   That is exactly how I feel when a dog licks me.    

     To me there is way too many people who seem to have a dog for appearances sake and not because they care so much for them.  It looks good to have a dog with you, whether your walking around the market, in your car on at the many other trendy places where dog people love to drag their dog around with them.  It goes with the look everyone is trying to achieve.  Is it a status thing or do all these people really care about their dogs so badly that they can't go anywhere without them?  I wonder about that.

     The final thing I will say concerning dogs happened last week.  I was running on my treadmill at about 2:30 (the joys of retirement) in the afternoon and whilst I run, I pretend I am outside by opening the curtains in the basement so I can look out onto our street.  Yes, I know, I have got to get a life.  Any who, I see this classic yummy mommy apparently taking her dog for a walk.  She is dressed in her expensive Lulu Lemon outfit, with a 'I'm one of Chairman Mao's people' hats;  looking just fabulous.  Trendy, fashionable and  right sexy.

    As I continued to run I saw her stop and wait for a while watching something in my yard.  Of course I couldn't see anything on my grass because it was out of my sight line.  Little Miss Fabulous after stopping and waiting, then just continued off on her way as casual as could be.  I didn't really know what had happened but soon after, when my older neighbour came by and as he walked slowly, he stared directly at my lawn, where little Miss Fabulous had stopped.  Obviously little Miss Fabulous' dog had left a special reward for me on my lawn.  

    Of course we couldn't expect her to wreck the look by having to clean up her dog's mess, could we?  You can't look fabulous and trendy if you have a bag of dog shit with  you.  So who get to clean up little Miss Fabulous' gift but me and that is what pisses me off about dogs and their owners.  Everyone tells me that they would never be 'that person' whose dog craps on someones lawn and doesn't pick it up, yet have a good look around.  There is dog crap everywhere.