Boating/Mushrooming

Recently we went boating on the ocean.  I have not had much luck while on boats so I wasn't too excited about going, however; it was a very nice day, with the sun  shining, and little wind, so off we went. It was allegedly a 'perfect day for boating' as we started out at about 11:00 with Captain Bligh, I mean Captain Paul (friend and former brother-in-law), at the helm.  It took a long time to get everything ready.  Too many fucking things if you asked me!  We had to wash the winter off the boat, get the dingy blown up, oars secured, then loaded on the boat. Firing up the engine took time and much cussing.  Getting the boat out of the dock takes considerable steering and skill and Captain Paul managed this, along with hauling up the anchor.  Gilligan's Island: here we come. 

Once afloat, we steamed out of the bay, around the bend.  We traveled for about a half an hour, passing several other boats, both power and sail.  The sailors all looked serene, albeit wind blown.  Traveling through the strait, we observed many beautiful homes and it struck us that very few of them used solar power, which raised the question of why wouldn't you use the sun for their energy?  Do these people really have that much money? Finally we passed one area that had obviously gotten with the program and most homes on this little area had solar panels. 

We ended up near the end of this large island, docked the big boat and then climbed aboard the dingy (two people at a time) and rowed to the shore.  I was not really enthralled with the dingy travel, as it is small, bouncy, slow, and in my frightened eyes: scary.   When we got to the shore, you had to get out of the shifting, bobbing, moving object and try to not get wet while you are doing it.   I was in a bitchy mood about traveling on a boat to begin with, throw in the rubber dingy (without a life jacket I might add), getting my feet wet, and then getting sand everywhere (I am such a pussy).  I was not a happy sailor! 

Once on shore MDW and I decide to venture into the woods and relieve ourselves.  Soon we were comfortable and ready to leave the area when I saw a really huge bracket mushroom on a tree stump.  I went over and stomped it off and picked it up, telling MDW to come over and see, which she did.  As she came to see the mushroom, she suddenly she lets fly a shriek of amazement.  I asked her what was up and she pointed to the forest and yelled "Look, a morel."  Eureka!  There on the side of a hill, in the midday sun, sprouted two beautiful blond morel mushrooms.  I quickly looked around and spotted another.  And they were a great size, about four inches tall and two inches in diameter.  Of course we went into mushroom mode, scouring the bush for these golden treasures.  MDW eventually found a few more and Captain Paul kept at it longer than we did and found a few more than what we found.  We ended up finding more than a dozen large sized mushrooms, enough for a wonderful sauce for supper.  They were delicious.  They went very well with the planked salmon, asparagus and garden salad. 

What an amazing find, completely unexpected.  We had come to the Sunshine Coast to look for morels, but certainly had not expected to find anything on our nautical adventure (disaster?).  Our anticipation for tomorrow is enormous.  We have visions of entire fields, full of golden morels and us carrying our suitcase full of them home to freeze and eat. Mushroomers call it the 'mother load', meaning finding more 'shrooms than you can carry out of the forest.  Ohhh let it be!

Next we steamed to Mystery Cove where we drifted serenely about the bay while having a bit of a nosh.  Mystery Cove sounds like a great name for a Hardy Boys Mystery book.  A seal bobbed its head up and down in the water and a shit hawk (sea gull), showed it brainpower by instantly knowing the difference between orange peels and bread, as it turned up its beak to the peel and gobbled the bread.   The only mystery was why I was out on a boat.  Do you think that would make a good book?  Not bloody likely; maybe if the captain went mysteriously missing. Hmmm… ??? 

We steamed back to Captain Paul's dock, safe and sound.  A much better trip than the last time I sailed with Captain Paul.  On our last journey, we took off in this little boat (his previous vessel), heading to the marina for supper, after an exhausting day of labour at Club Paul.  When we got to the Marina, Captain Paul informed me that we had broken about a dozen nautical laws because we had no lifejackets, lights and various other things that are to be onboard a boat (for a little thing called 'YOUR FUCKING SAFETY').  Anyone who knows me, knows I am a firm believer in rules and laws.  John Mellencamp once said, "An honest man's pillow is a piece of mind."  I do not like breaking laws because I don't like worrying about getting caught.  After supper, I was still a little pissed and we started out in the dark for home.  No lights, no lifejackets.  Fucking great.  During the ten minute journey, a boat came up behind us very quickly, and started shining a light on us.  Captain Paul immediately ascertained that it is the harbour police and…  he guns it, trying to get back to the dock before they catch us. I AM FUCKING STEAMING!  Here we are, going to get a ticket and a fine because there is no lifejackets or lights on board the QE2, and we are trying to make a run for it!  Faster and faster we go, trying to get to the dock.  Captain Paul is telling us to get out of the boat as soon as we dock, so maybe they won't do anything ( ya right, maybe they will fucking shoot me - have you thought of that Captain Paul?).   We do as we are told, and jump up on the dock.  Meanwhile the boat with the light steams past us: a bunch of fucking morons playing a joke on us.  Ha, ha!  So funny I forgot to laugh!  I was livid.  As you can see I still haven't gotten over it, and that was about five years ago. 

The only other time I took to the sea was in Nova Scotia for a day of 'jigging'.  About a half mile out in the freezing cold Atlantic Ocean, our little boat dies.  Our friend was a fisherman and of course he didn't have any lifejackets on board, which became a big problem when the R.C.M.P. boat came to rescue us.  They got us back to shore, safe and sound, with a nice summons in our pocket, which eventually cost each person a $50 fine, and a court date.  

So as you can see, any time I set sail, my stress level increases considerably.  Hemmingway I am not!

Next Day…

Ahhhh, the disappointment!  Not a fucking morel to be found. We searched high and low along the Sunshine coast of B.C.  We came across a billion pieces of garbage, as well as every yokel on the Sunshine Coast riding  on a quad,  but not a single mushrooms.  The ground seems very dry and dusty for coastal British Columbia. The only things fucking growing in abundance were thistles and vines that wrap themselves around your leg and wouldn't let go.  It is hard to judge when the mushroom season is going to be in a region.  God knows that our morels will be very late this season in the Edmonton area, however; we do have a chance for a plentiful year due to the incredible amount of moisture from the deluge of snow we experienced in Narnia this winter.  I guess we will have to be satisfied with the bounty we harvested on Friday when we unexpectedly stumbled upon a nice little patch whilst relieving our selves in the woods.  

The only thing I got out of our little mushroom excursion was tired and sore.  My ankles and feet were killing me by the end of the day.  I think Merrill shoes are not the correct kind of footwear to use while tramping throughout the forest. Oh let's not forget about thirty-five thistles in my ass.  I may need MDW to surgically extract them later this evening. That will assuredly be the most fun I have had today.

Supper was an interesting concoction cooked in the croc pot whilst we forged for those golden treasures, that escaped our grasp today.  It would have been wonderful to throw in some morels in the pot to add that earthy taste to the chilli, but it was not to be.   My tears may short-circuit my laptop. The tasty corn bread that MDW cooked went well with the chilli and her homemade apple pie finished he meal off in style.  

B.C. Ferries

  I love the Vancouver area.  We live in the asshole of the world and Vancouver is paradise.  Fuck!  The only thing that drives me crazy about the coast is having to go on the ferries to get anywhere.  It starts with the leaving times.  Me being paranoid about time and  always being worried about not getting on the boat, I of course have to get there well in advance of the time recommended, which results in us waiting long periods, making the trip much longer.  The waiting in line to get on the ferry always involve having to go to the washroom, and of course when you are there, getting something to drink and having to repeat the process in another half hour (the joy of being fifty-six years old). 

Then you get on the ferry.  Being sceptical and cynical, I always question how it is that they choose the lines to let in first.  I want to go first and I always scream that it should be my turn, not the fucking yahoo parked beside me.  Hey, I got here before this fucking yutz, and yet he gets to go before me.  I start the journey off in a pissed off mode and a more sceptical than before.

Once I get onto the ship, they start telling you that you have to get out of the vehicle and go up on deck.  Well, I don't really like to have to go sit with other people that I don't know and most assuredly don't want to know.  So I sit in my car, comfy and happy, yet always worrying that the 'ferry leave the car police' will appear suddenly and roust me from my peaceful little world and force me up on deck, where I might have to socialize.  Gawd forbide!

Then the bouncing and pounding of waves begin.  Bud-a-bing, bud-a-boom, waves, tossing and turning, churning my stomach like a milk shake.  Hour after hour, never ending. How can you ever get a moments sleep?  Whenever we go on a trip, MDW, who loves to watch the daily new, (between cat naps, of course) and invariably she will see some kind of disaster either where we are going, or by the method of our travel.  If we are traveling to the coast, she will inform me of some tragedy involving four thousand people on a ferry in Indonesia, whilst having a party, killing all involved.  Lovely.  Just what I want to hear when I feel those waves crashing and banging into the side of our ferry.  I sit in fear the entire ferry ride, thinking about the poor Indonesian bastards, drowning like rats.  Can I get any more frightened?   

  Then comes the rush of everyone coming back to their vehicles and the selection begins on who get to exit first.  Why is it always me last?  Is it because they saw that I didn't get out of my car and they are punishing me?  I believe that to be so.  Waiting, waiting, waiting, soon it will be my turn.  I got into such a state once that I forgot to put the car in gear and when it was my turn to go, I got into a panic.  Jesus, I felt stupid when everyone was forced to wait whilst I went through all the possible situations on the unknown dashboard, before finding the most obvious one to be the solution.  Luck I wasn't behind me in line or I would have gone fucking crazy, screaming and yelling about being prepared and all the other things that I childishly yell when I am not getting my way on the roads.   

And the cost… they might as well take my left arm.  Do you have any choice in this little negotiation?  Of course not.  You pay through the nose, time and time again.  It's not like you can drive around the ocean to avoid going on the ferry.  They have you by the proverbial short and curlies.  

   Why can't we have a thing like Star Trek?  Transporters.  I get to the shore, they transport me and my vehicle to where ever I want to go.  Is that so hard?  They discovered transporters in the sixties (Star Trek was real… right?).  Why not now?  Oh no, we have to spend four to six hours to get to Victoria from  Vancouver.  Again, is it any wonder why I want to sit in my bubble and not go anywhere or see anyone. 

I am sitting here at the Langdale Ferry, at Horseshoe Bay, waiting for the 1:20 crossing.  It is Easter weekend and it is expected to be busy so we have gotten here at about 11:15, just missing the 11:20 crossing (which we were not planning to go on).  So here we sit.  We were the first vehicle in.  No one ahead of us. They put us in lane 82.  Where the fuck do they get the number 82? 

Do they know my I.Q.?) They do not have 82 lanes in the entire ferry system, yet we are stuck in lane 82.  

First in, first on, right…?  Fucking right.  I am going to go crazy if we don't get to go first.  We are next to a Handicapped lane, and they got here at about 12:45.  If they get in ahead of me, I will go fucking ballistic.  Mental handicapped is not a reason to let someone in ahead of me.  Am I right…?  There is also some old fart on a motorcycle.  Again if he gets in ahead of me, I will flip out. 

Here's an oldie but a goody: some asshole walking in front of our car talking so loud that we can hear him though the closed windows.  Ya, that's what I want to hear buddy, your fucking story.  Guess what? No body cares.  Fuck off and get in your vehicle and shut the hell up. 

15 minutes later:

Fucking motorcyclist got on first, then handicappers.  WTF?  Is there no justice in the world?  How come I don't get my way? We are third on.  I am crushed…

Hour later

Sitting in the Superstore in Sechelt.  Brother in law parked so far away  (to avoid other vehicles) that I can just make out Superstore by its green colour off in the horizon. I am glad that I don't have to haul the groceries from there to here.  He also parked in two spots, again to avoid any nicks on his door.  I have practiced my answer if someone says anything: Hey don't talk to me, it's not my fault that my bother-in-law parks like an asshole!

Hockey

        I watched hockey most of my life.  When I was six years old, hockey used to come on Saturday night only, at 6:30, after the Beverly Hillbillies.  One game per week, that's it.  And it wasn't even a full game. CBC used to only broadcast the last two periods of the game and it was only the Leafs or the Canadians.  I can remember watching the Hillbillies and hoping that there would be a big fight in the hockey game because then the first period wouldn't be over and I would get to watch more hockey than usual.  

Soon we got a full game on Saturday and eventually there used to be a game on Wednesday night.  Leafs, Canadians, Leafs, Canadians. I loved those two nights because hockey was on.  I looked forward to it.  I never missed a game.  I still remember those games more so than any games since.  When there are so few of them, the games were almost magical.  Everyone watched them.  Everyone talked about them.  There was nothing else.

Now we get three, four, or more games a night.  I could watch every game… if I cared.  I could listen to every game on my satellite radio … if I cared.  I said I could.  I don't watch any; and I certainly don't listen to any.  The last full game of hockey I watched was the 2004 Gold Medal game from Salt Lake City and before that, it was when Gretzky was still with the Oilers.  Why don't I watch hockey any more? … because it sucks.  Hockey, the way it is played today; sucks.   You would have to hold a gun to my head to make me watch….  and I would shout shoot me please!  Even the playoffs suck and they mean something. Every game is a shutout.  Boring.  What has happened to 'our' game?  How has it ended up that a 2-1 game is the norm or that a high scoring game is 4-2?  4 - 2?  Jesus, the Oilers would scored more goals than that if they were playing with croquet rackets.  The Habs and their 'fire wagon style of hockey' produced more scoring opportunities in five minutes than there is in entire games now.  

The players are bigger, faster, play more hockey in their youth, have better training physically and mentally, they eat healthier, they work out year round, they have allegedly better coaching, they play every game in an arena, they travel on beautiful busses to all games, they have far superior equipment (WTF? a $200 hockey stick? Come on!), their PARENTS GET INVOLVED (never, ever,ever is that a good idea - in anything at all!), and everyone gets a medal or a trophy for every tournament or playoff series (ya, that's a gooooooood thing!).  Yet games are boring, the players exhibit no skill, scoring is minuscule, less kids than ever are playing and professional hockey has become about number 6 or 7 on the sports that matter in North America. It used to be in the top four, but no longer.  Now watching a game is like watching paint dry...

I have always really loved hockey.  I played it, I watched it, I dreamed about it, I admired the players.  Bobby Orr, Guy LaFleur and Mike Walton are some of my favorite players of all time (Gretzky tops the list of coarse).  I used to know every player in the league.  Even as an adult, we used to have 'pools' now of course they have fantasy leagues ( why can't it just be a hockey pool?).  I still read a great deal about sports, hockey included and I guarantee you that I could not name more than 50 - 60% of the players in the league, if that.  I have no interest in watching a game in which I know no players, they never score any goals and hitting someone warrants a penalty or worse: a suspension.  

There is so many things wrong with professional hockey: 1) lack of scoring, 2) lack of offensive skills, 3) watered down teams, 4) too many teams, 5) too many teams in places where there shouldn't be teams, 6) not enough Canadian teams (everyone know that hockey in Canada is the only place it really should be played), 7) the size of rinks, 8) the size of the players, 9) goaltending (give me a fucking break - you have a 6'4 goalie with equipment that would fit on Jack the Giant, and you are supposed to score goals?  C'mon),  10) goons, 11) fighting (what happens if you fight in all other sports?  You are automatically kicked out of the game and probably suspended.  But in hockey it is not only accepted, it is encouraged), 12) the hockey mentality (hit someone back if they hit you, fight if challenged, chirp to the other players, be pests on the ice, and generally play the role of the alpha male at all times), 13) head injuries (we can put a fucking man on the moon, but we can't make a hockey helmet that is safe???), 14) the cost of playing hockey for kids (it is now for the rich, where once upon a time it was for EVERYONE.  This creates an elite-ism and culture that is prevalent among hockey players - that being that they are special), 15) the rules that allow traps and other bullshit defensive systems that eliminate the excitement out of hockey, and 16) Gary Bettman (what a knob.  Have you ever seen him do anything for the good of hockey?  All he ever does is walk around with one hand in his pocket (playing pocket pool I presume!), and blindly tell everyone that hockey is better than ever.  Are you fucking kidding me Frodo?  WTF are you looking at?)

I am sure you all could add to my list of things wrong with hockey.  But what are the solutions?  Here are a few of mine:

1) make the rinks bigger - more room, more opportunity for scoring.  Trust me, everyone wants a 6-5 game compared to a 2-0 game.

2) Get rid of at least 10 teams: Two from California, Atlanta, Columbus, Nashville, Dallas, Phoenix, Carolina, Florida, Tampa Bay - now the skill level will go up, scoring will go up, interest will go up, attendance will go up, and rivalries will mean something.  Maybe move some of these dead assed teams to Canada where there is interest (Quebec City, Winter-peg, Saskatoon).

3) How about a few 5'8 players in the league instead of another 6'3 cement head who has no hockey skills.  Look in the Hockey Hall of Fame and see how many Hall of Famers are under six feet tall.  Now they don't even get a look… it's not right.  Those are the players that have great skill.

4) Stop fighting.  There is no place for it in sports.  Do not tell me that it is part of the game.  It is just accepted, that's all. Hockey is not the only game that there is frustration, yet hockey players are allowed to beat someone up.  Fucking ridiculous.  

5) Make all players wear visors, mouth guards and a helmet that is safe. And enforce the rule that if you wear your helmet strap loosely, it is a penalty.  

6) Go back to playing hockey for fun. Don't have camps, training, indoor hockey, and all the other bullshit things that kids do year round in hopes of getting better.  It is not fucking working! Just play hockey, that's it.  Go fuck around on an outdoor rink and learn to stickhandle through fifty other people with your head up.  All these special training ideas and other things are not working.  Just play hockey. 

7) Let kids play.  Maybe hockey can be affordable to all if they didn't practice in arenas every time, ride expensive busses, or travel around Alberta and Western Canada playing tournaments.  Most of the great hockey stars of the 50's, 60's and 70's came from small towns or rural communities.  Now almost all players come from the urban communities and the middle to upper class.  I wonder how a kid can have the desire, drive and work ethic when you come from that environment?  Hungry, hard working kids, who have not been handed metals and trophies all their lives would seem to me to make better hockey players than rich, spoiled city kids.  

8) Get rid of fucking Bettman as quickly as you can and don't look back.

Although hockey has been replaced by curling as the one sport in the world that we are the best at; it is still the main source of Canadian pride.  The Vancouver Olympics proved what hockey means to this country and to see it fading away into oblivion, is a sad thing. Canada still produces the best hockey players in the world and now the NHL has to stop fucking up the game.   Mark my words: without change; the end is near!  

 

DDD April 2 - 9

Well, we survived NYC and all their craziness.  Back to our boring little world with the daily routine of school for MDW and whatever for me.  As usual MDW outdid herself this week cooking wise. 

On Saturday, I enjoyed (?) my 34 straight Final Four with a delicious meal.  Despite the lousiness of the games and the teams playing, MDW made a wonderful meal of ground turkey burger, grilled nicely on the 'BGE', along with French fries cooked in the oil-less fry cooker (my favorite cooking appliance).  The burgers were served on onion buns with the usual fix-ens: onions, tomatoes, mayo, mustard, relish, lettuce, pickles, etc.  For an appetizer we had chips and a spicy humus.  An enjoyable home cooked meal, which beats restaurant food any time, and after being away for over a week, it was good to eat at home.

On Sunday, MDW decided to prepare a brunch to celebrate her aunt's 80th birthday.  She served a Dutch apple pancake, potato pancakes (which are like hash browns), back bacon, BBQ trout, fresh strawberries, pineapple, hot cross buns and a  delicious birthday cake from Bee-Bell Bakery.  It was delicious, particularly the Dutch apple pancake, that is cooked in a large pan and served in slices, topped with Maple Syrup.  I am not a big trout fan, but this was a 'steel head trout' and it looked and tasted very much like salmon.  The brunch was enjoyed by all.

With the beginning of school, MDW had made plans to go out for supper with a couple of friends to the restaurant 'The Wild Tangerine', an Asian Fusion place, which is exactly the kind of place that I find to be horseshoe.  They pretend to be hip and cool, by cooking different kinds of food. My advice would be to just cook good asian food and don't mix stupid things like spaghetti and meat balls on the menu with Moo-goo pork.  But what the fuck do I know?  MDW left me to my own devices for supper and that usually ends poorly for me.  I am just too damn lazy to cook so I did what I do best: have leftovers.  I had left over burgers and other things I don't remember too well, which obviously means they were not too memorable.  But I didn't have many dishes, so that was good.

By the way, MDW did not enjoy the fusion restaurant that much.  Food was OK but tremendously overpriced. She had fish, an appetizer and a glass of wine and it was well over $50.  Pretentious and overpriced; exactly as I expected.  Lucky thing the 'Fat Man Review' didn't attend or he would have been forced to write a scathing review of the place.  

Tuesday had MDW treat us to lamb chops, BBQ'ed on the 'BGE', potato wedges done in the oil-less fry cooker (see, my favorite appliance again!), topped with spices and herbs, and broccoli bits (a different type of broccoli that we did not have before).  The lamb was docked just right and the spices that MDW used were most tasty. 

Wednesday was chicken night.  MDW BBQ'ed chicken marinated breasts,  with a herb rice, beets topped with feta cheese and asparagus tips. The beets were very tasty and the feta cheese added a wonderful flavour.  I enjoy asparagus despite the lousy reputation that it was.  How is it that some veggies get such a bad rap?  Asparagus, broccoli, spinach, brussels sprints are all vegetables that generally are looked upon poorly despite being very tasty. They need a union... 

Thursday night was a night of leftovers (my favorite).  We had lamb, chicken, beets, salad and freshly made potato wedges.  Is there anything better than leftovers?  They are tasty, quick and little clean up.  The perfect meal.

Friday was a painting day.  I painted a bedroom, along with MDW's gardening partner (a professional painter - if anyone needs painting; she's the one to get!).  So we had a take-out meal from Yummy Noodle, a place I have already raved about.  The price is good, the food is tasty and the ingredients are fresh. A good quick meal.  

On Saturday we will be having supper with friends at Boualong Thai restaurant that I believe to be the best Thai food in the city ( hey, the fat man is never wrong)!   Spicy and tasty.  Every time we eat there I give a little thanks to the 'Skinny Man' for finding this gem and passing it along to me.  If only he could play poker…

SPRING ROADS

Ahhh, spring has sprung.  

The grass is rizz(?)

now we're finding were the pot holes is.  

Not only am I a blogger, but a poet as well. So many layers of talent…

As we drive around on these beautiful spring days, isn't it great to bounce, and bang around in your car, due to the various crevices (or is it crevices?) scattered around our roadways?  It is a real life video game, trying to avoid the bunker sized holes created by our wonderful winters here in Narnia.  How will the road repair crew ever fill all the holes on our fair streets?  It seems like an impossible task, and God knows that city or county workers bust their asses… right? The shovels will get a real workout this year; not from digging but being leaned upon.  How is it that to do a job, the city or the county, needs about a dozen guys standing around whilst 1 or 2 young, inexperienced, under muscled, kids try to do a job that they have absolutely no idea how to do? Are they giving advice?  Are they making fun?  Are they giving encouragement?  I think that they are just sitting around bullshitting and hoping that the kids take forever to do the job, so they will continue to do nothing and collect an enormous pay check.  I may just be syndical but…  

Driving in the city brings even more problems other than the pot holes.  The side roads have not been graded and along the sides of most streets what only can be described as an iceberg looking for an ocean.  These icy, snaking masses of snow, extend the entire length of the street, with the only hope of melting depending on a warm July.  Nice snow removal Edmonton.  I am sure that the home owners love looking out their front window and seeing an icy mountain in front of their yard.  Don't despair, it will melt… eventually.

  Back to the pot holes.  If you are looking for a bouncy ride (instead of taking the kids to WEM and Fantasy Land) go for a trip down Wye Road, between the Salisbury Greenhouse Road and the Christian Academy, heading east.  The entire length of the road, in both lanes is one continuous pot hole.  By the time you get to the EIPS offices, you have bounced up and down and rattled around enough to believe you been on a roller coaster ride.  Be careful to not open a can of pop after traveling that route or you will have a liquid explosion inside your car. There seems to be about a month's worth of shovel leaning on that road, alone. 

And the great news is that come Thursday, we can expect 10-20 cm of snow.  Just fucking great!