Recently we went boating on the ocean. I have not had much luck while on boats so I wasn't too excited about going, however; it was a very nice day, with the sun shining, and little wind, so off we went. It was allegedly a 'perfect day for boating' as we started out at about 11:00 with Captain Bligh, I mean Captain Paul (friend and former brother-in-law), at the helm. It took a long time to get everything ready. Too many fucking things if you asked me! We had to wash the winter off the boat, get the dingy blown up, oars secured, then loaded on the boat. Firing up the engine took time and much cussing. Getting the boat out of the dock takes considerable steering and skill and Captain Paul managed this, along with hauling up the anchor. Gilligan's Island: here we come.
Once afloat, we steamed out of the bay, around the bend. We traveled for about a half an hour, passing several other boats, both power and sail. The sailors all looked serene, albeit wind blown. Traveling through the strait, we observed many beautiful homes and it struck us that very few of them used solar power, which raised the question of why wouldn't you use the sun for their energy? Do these people really have that much money? Finally we passed one area that had obviously gotten with the program and most homes on this little area had solar panels.
We ended up near the end of this large island, docked the big boat and then climbed aboard the dingy (two people at a time) and rowed to the shore. I was not really enthralled with the dingy travel, as it is small, bouncy, slow, and in my frightened eyes: scary. When we got to the shore, you had to get out of the shifting, bobbing, moving object and try to not get wet while you are doing it. I was in a bitchy mood about traveling on a boat to begin with, throw in the rubber dingy (without a life jacket I might add), getting my feet wet, and then getting sand everywhere (I am such a pussy). I was not a happy sailor!
Once on shore MDW and I decide to venture into the woods and relieve ourselves. Soon we were comfortable and ready to leave the area when I saw a really huge bracket mushroom on a tree stump. I went over and stomped it off and picked it up, telling MDW to come over and see, which she did. As she came to see the mushroom, she suddenly she lets fly a shriek of amazement. I asked her what was up and she pointed to the forest and yelled "Look, a morel." Eureka! There on the side of a hill, in the midday sun, sprouted two beautiful blond morel mushrooms. I quickly looked around and spotted another. And they were a great size, about four inches tall and two inches in diameter. Of course we went into mushroom mode, scouring the bush for these golden treasures. MDW eventually found a few more and Captain Paul kept at it longer than we did and found a few more than what we found. We ended up finding more than a dozen large sized mushrooms, enough for a wonderful sauce for supper. They were delicious. They went very well with the planked salmon, asparagus and garden salad.
What an amazing find, completely unexpected. We had come to the Sunshine Coast to look for morels, but certainly had not expected to find anything on our nautical adventure (disaster?). Our anticipation for tomorrow is enormous. We have visions of entire fields, full of golden morels and us carrying our suitcase full of them home to freeze and eat. Mushroomers call it the 'mother load', meaning finding more 'shrooms than you can carry out of the forest. Ohhh let it be!
Next we steamed to Mystery Cove where we drifted serenely about the bay while having a bit of a nosh. Mystery Cove sounds like a great name for a Hardy Boys Mystery book. A seal bobbed its head up and down in the water and a shit hawk (sea gull), showed it brainpower by instantly knowing the difference between orange peels and bread, as it turned up its beak to the peel and gobbled the bread. The only mystery was why I was out on a boat. Do you think that would make a good book? Not bloody likely; maybe if the captain went mysteriously missing. Hmmm… ???
We steamed back to Captain Paul's dock, safe and sound. A much better trip than the last time I sailed with Captain Paul. On our last journey, we took off in this little boat (his previous vessel), heading to the marina for supper, after an exhausting day of labour at Club Paul. When we got to the Marina, Captain Paul informed me that we had broken about a dozen nautical laws because we had no lifejackets, lights and various other things that are to be onboard a boat (for a little thing called 'YOUR FUCKING SAFETY'). Anyone who knows me, knows I am a firm believer in rules and laws. John Mellencamp once said, "An honest man's pillow is a piece of mind." I do not like breaking laws because I don't like worrying about getting caught. After supper, I was still a little pissed and we started out in the dark for home. No lights, no lifejackets. Fucking great. During the ten minute journey, a boat came up behind us very quickly, and started shining a light on us. Captain Paul immediately ascertained that it is the harbour police and… he guns it, trying to get back to the dock before they catch us. I AM FUCKING STEAMING! Here we are, going to get a ticket and a fine because there is no lifejackets or lights on board the QE2, and we are trying to make a run for it! Faster and faster we go, trying to get to the dock. Captain Paul is telling us to get out of the boat as soon as we dock, so maybe they won't do anything ( ya right, maybe they will fucking shoot me - have you thought of that Captain Paul?). We do as we are told, and jump up on the dock. Meanwhile the boat with the light steams past us: a bunch of fucking morons playing a joke on us. Ha, ha! So funny I forgot to laugh! I was livid. As you can see I still haven't gotten over it, and that was about five years ago.
The only other time I took to the sea was in Nova Scotia for a day of 'jigging'. About a half mile out in the freezing cold Atlantic Ocean, our little boat dies. Our friend was a fisherman and of course he didn't have any lifejackets on board, which became a big problem when the R.C.M.P. boat came to rescue us. They got us back to shore, safe and sound, with a nice summons in our pocket, which eventually cost each person a $50 fine, and a court date.
So as you can see, any time I set sail, my stress level increases considerably. Hemmingway I am not!
Next Day…
Ahhhh, the disappointment! Not a fucking morel to be found. We searched high and low along the Sunshine coast of B.C. We came across a billion pieces of garbage, as well as every yokel on the Sunshine Coast riding on a quad, but not a single mushrooms. The ground seems very dry and dusty for coastal British Columbia. The only things fucking growing in abundance were thistles and vines that wrap themselves around your leg and wouldn't let go. It is hard to judge when the mushroom season is going to be in a region. God knows that our morels will be very late this season in the Edmonton area, however; we do have a chance for a plentiful year due to the incredible amount of moisture from the deluge of snow we experienced in Narnia this winter. I guess we will have to be satisfied with the bounty we harvested on Friday when we unexpectedly stumbled upon a nice little patch whilst relieving our selves in the woods.
The only thing I got out of our little mushroom excursion was tired and sore. My ankles and feet were killing me by the end of the day. I think Merrill shoes are not the correct kind of footwear to use while tramping throughout the forest. Oh let's not forget about thirty-five thistles in my ass. I may need MDW to surgically extract them later this evening. That will assuredly be the most fun I have had today.
Supper was an interesting concoction cooked in the croc pot whilst we forged for those golden treasures, that escaped our grasp today. It would have been wonderful to throw in some morels in the pot to add that earthy taste to the chilli, but it was not to be. My tears may short-circuit my laptop. The tasty corn bread that MDW cooked went well with the chilli and her homemade apple pie finished he meal off in style.
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