Thursday, December 29, 2011

How 'Bout Them Bears

   As I sit and watch the Alamo Bowl, it is astounding how bad the Baylor defense is.  They could not tackle a three year old.  They are fucking useless.  #8, with the long brained hair is a joke.  He has been beaten about six times tonight and he makes one tackle and he's strutting around, popping  out his chest like he the greatest defensive back in the history of the game of football.  Give me strength (LK).  They have given up 56 points (and counting) with ten minutes left in the game.  AND THEY ARE ONLY LOSING BY THREE POINTS!
    Pete must be having a con-nip-tion fit watching this bullshit.  Vince Lombardi is turning over in his grave. And I turn the channel to the Jr. hockey game and the Russian have scored 14 goals.  As Casey Stengel once said, "Can't anyone here play this game?"
   I may have to watch soccer to even out the scoring/non-scoring balance in sports... ahhhh, well maybe not.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas and The NBA

I have only watched the OKC/ORL game and a few things are apparent to me:
1. The NBA referees are a fucking joke.  Let me preface this statement with the fact that I think all referees are bad.  I have levels of bad: 1.  just bad  2. horrible  3. brutal and 4. a fucking joke  NBA refs are so bad that it is embarrassing.  David Stern should fire them all and start over.  They never get anything right.  They make thinks up.  They give calls to the best players every time and screw the hard working, honest players.  You might as well have four year olds doing the games.  They would be just as good.  FUCKING JOKE!
2.  Kendrick Perkins is a complete and utter asshole.  What is his fucking problem.  You know who he is... he's Francis from the movie 'Stripes'.  "You touch me... I kill ya", ' Look at me... I kill ya", "You block my shot... I kill ya". Lighten up Francis.  You're making ten to fifteen million dollars a game.. how about a smile once in a while.  Hey, I like intensity but your scowl is ridiculous.  Beside... you suck.
3. It is so easy to hate the Orlando Magic.  Dwight Howard is such a fucking baby.  Ohhh they fouled me. Ohhhh they touched me.  Ohhh I can make a fucking fouls shot to save my life.  Boo-hoo.
    Then there is 'that fucking Turkoglu'.  Merry Christmas Kevin Durant.  You woke up today and were guarded by a statue.  Your Christmas wish has come through.  Turkoglu was his usual fucking horrible.  I particularly like one time when he was wide open at the three point line and instead of shooting, passed underneath to one of his teammates that was unprepared and fumbled the ball out of bounds.  Van Gundy is screaming at TFT to shoot the ball, so the next time down the court what does the Turkish rocket scientist do, fire up a three with someone hanging all over him, resulting in an air ball.  A fucking RE-TARD.  When will they send him back to Istanbul?
   How about J.J. Red-dick?  Could you get shorter arms you fucking alligator.  Here's a hint... make a shot occasionally.
   Then there's 'Big, Fat, Baby Davis.  I see that those crossed eyes of  his haven't straightened out in Florida.  Aim for the middle basket BFB.
4. Kevin Durant is the best player in the NBA.  He's humble, hard working, talented and a good teammate.  OKC is my team to beat this year.  If Westbrook passes the ball occasionally, they should win it all.
Next comes CP3 and Sir Dunk-a-lot.  I can't wait.  Merry Christmas to me.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

As Larry Bird Once Said "Merry Fucking Christmas"

     I believe that last Christmas Eve, I blogged about the NBA and my likes and dislikes.  Unfortunately this year there has been no games, hence no bitching and whining by TAB.  I will certainly be able to begin my annual NBA bashing as of tomorrow, but for now I have other thoughts.
     Christmas time should be a time of giving, family, friends and celebration, happiness and joy.  Should be.  So why do I want to kill so many people?  'The boy' is home and happy, which is always nice.  MDW is celebrating her final Christmas holiday of her long career.  that is wonderful.   The world junior hockey tournament is beginning and tomorrow St. Nick leaves his bounty to the fortunate of our world.  After spending the past month 'getting into the Christmas spirit', with all the things that involves; the big day is here.  The process can drive a person crazy.  Here are a few things that I do not enjoy about the Christmas season:
1) Christmas music - fucking gross.  I only play Christmas music on the 24th and the 25th.
2) Shopping - this involves a couple of least favorite things - stupid people and bad drivers hell bent to take the last parking spot in the lot. People are horrible drivers on their best days and when you add to this the frenzy of Christmas; this combination creates some of the stupidest fucking driving situations on earth.  Castanza would agree that it is 'Thunder-dome'.
   And then there is the buying.  The sales, the lineups, the crowds, the zombie like trances that people are in while shopping.  Arguments over merchandise, prices, parking spots, last items.  It is a fucking gong show.  Like Frank Castanza said when he didn't get the last doll for Georgie; "After I stopped reining blows upon him (the guy who got the last doll), I realized that there had to be a better way to celebrate".  Thus was the creation of 'Festivus'.  Maybe that is what we need.  Festivus, for the rest-of-us.
3)  People wearing Santa hats.  Do they know how fucking stupid that looks?  Perhaps I should declare myself as the one to tell them.  Nothing looks stupider than some scrawny, chain-smoking, loser, wearing a droopy, greasy, limp, Santa hat.  Real fucking classy! And festive.
4) Reindeer horns on your car.  Another classy operation, and realistic also.  Nothing looks better than that 1986 Chevy with reindeer horns adorning the rusty roof.  I think it looks like Santa's sleigh, don't you?
5) Boxing day sales.  If you remember, MDW and I had a bit of an boxing day 'midnight' madness' adventure a few years back and since then I have maintained a bit of a grudge against boxing day blow outs.  It is a ridiculous concept and no one in their right mind should be involved in such tom-fool-ery.  Beside you can get punched out if you are not careful... just ask MDW.
6)  Christmas movies.  Starting about November 15th they start playing these horrible Christmas movies.  There are only about ten good movies about Christmas and the others are all garbage. I particularly like 'Elf' and the one with Ralphy, the kid whose mom thinks he will shoot his eye out if he gets a b-b gun.  Darren McGavin's lamp that looks like a one legged dancer's leg is the best.
7)  Putting up and taking down the Christmas tree.  Thank God MDW loves to do this because I loath it.  Nothing is worse than dragging boxes of crap upstairs, hanging it on the tree, blah, blah, blah.  And then you take it down.  I like Frank Castanza's aluminum pole much better.
8) Christmas day.  After opening gifts, and pigging out, there is nothing to do.  It is the most boring day of the year. Unless you love NBA basketball.  Five games tomorrow.  Thank God we finally get to see LBJ's talents again.
9)  Getting the correct gift is a very stressful thing. It is good that I have grey hair already because finding the right gift is a horrible experience, especially for someone who dislikes shopping as I do.
10) People who put out four million lights in their front yards, should be shot.  People blah, blah, blah about saving the planet, using alternative energy sources, reducing, recycling, reusing, and other ecological strategies, yet when Christmas rolls around you have these same people lighting up the entire fucking neighbourhood with colourful LED lights.  What a  colossal waste of time, energy and money.  I have nothing against putting up a few light but do you have to outdo Clark Griswald?  If you have seen the place in north west Edmonton with about a billion lights, you would want to throw up.  Talk about excess.
   Other than these things I love Christmas.  Who doesn't like getting gifts?  If only it was that easy...

Saturday, December 17, 2011

I Don't Know What to Call This...

    Poker last night sucked.  I played useless and that fucking BP won again.  His bullshit always wins. He may be a walking, talking reality show but his poker game is fabulous.   Yes, I am jealous.
    Today was stupid Christmas drivers day.  I needed to thin the herd.  Also, non turning  turning lanes.  WTF?  Why does Edmonton/Sherwood Park have turning lanes, turning lights installed and yet they do not activate the turning lights?  Is that not the stupidest fucking thing in the world?  Next to it is Edmonton's wonderful method of moving traffic by having a two lane street suddenly end with the curb lane having parking meters.  That's fucking cute.  Your driving along and suddenly your in some idiots trunk because no one has told you the lane ends.  That really keeps the traffic flowing doesn't it.  I have never seen that in any other city in the world that I have traveled to.  The reason why they don't do it: IT'S FUCKING STUPID!
  New feature: The RE-TARD of the week - this week it goes to the Chicago Bears football player who was arrested for trying to buy drugs from a Federal Agent.  He wanted to buy over $700,000 worth of cocaine and weed A WEEK!  It's not enough that he is making over a million a year playing football; now he wants to supplement his income.  Last summer he was talked to by the police about the fact that his name was on the Rolodex of a big drug dealer.  Oh, and the cops found that he had $88,000 dollars cash in his car at the time.  The next day the Bears signed him.  So, who is really stupid? 
    Music:  I haven't reviewed that last few acts (alleged acts) due to laziness.  I did like The Black Keys.  I think I liked them because they seemed a little older that the average band that comes on SNL.  They weren't great but they didn't suck and that seems like a winner in this race.
    The next week was a young lady by the name of Robyn.  I did see her performance, albeit, without sound, so an honest evaluation couldn't be made.  I got a heads up from 'the boy', warning me that if I said one bad word about Robyn, and I quote, "I'll grind your testicles in a garlic press".  'Nuff said.  I hear she's great...
    Michael Buble: Ick.  Some kind of crooning Canadian.  Give me strength (Keener's term!).  Trust me, he is no Frank Sinatra or Harry Connick Jr.  Blah, blah, blah, we wish you a merry Christmas. Ya we get it.
   Did anyone notice that the NBA is back?  Fantastic. They are back to their old tricks: fathering children, changing teams, making fucking millions.  All whilst playing shitty basketball.  I still say CP3 is a little prick. Same prick, different city.
   UNC is playing ok.  They will not win the Dance this year, I guarantee  that.  They are not strong enough physically or mentally.  They are a pretty good team but no way they are a championship team. My heart will be broken again. Ho hum!  But those uniforms are classic, aren't they?
   Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...

Friday, December 9, 2011

A Wacky Week in Sports

    What a week.   My hockey pool team continues to flounder, maintaining a solid eighth place standing out  of twelve.  Fucking embarrassing it is.  Guaranteed if you look at the scoreboard and a team gets shutout; it will have someone from my 'group' playing on that team.  Or more than likely, two fucking guys playing.
    I have said many times that I am rarely wrong and when I am ... I don't admit it!  Now understand, I am not really admitting a mistake on my part concerning RNH but... I will admit that he is much better than I thought he would be.   He is very impressive and might just lead the long dormant Oilers back from the bottom of the pile.  Not this year but soon.  The Oilers have accumulated an impressive group of young players and with a little time, patience and luck; they just  might drink from the cup again in our lifetime.  If only they had a top notch defenseman they would really be something.  Adam Larrson perhaps?(I just can't let it go)
    I love the fact that the NBA (No Babies Allowed) went on strike for over 150 days and in the end they are still as fucked up as before.  The big cry was that the small market teams didn't have a chance because fucking guys like LeBronMoron, Bosh, Amare, Deron Williams, and the fabulously sincere Carmello Anthonly, highjacked their teams by deserting, or holding them hostage to get their way. The small market teams couldn't compete with the big markets and keep their stars; causing a lack of parity and hope throughout the league.
     The now generation showed their character by, instead of sucking it  up and building a winner where they were, joined forces in an attempt to win a championship the new fashion way: by collusion not hard work and stick-to-it-ness. Ahhhhh... typical, as Kermit the Frog once sang.
    And now after four months of labor strife, the NBA is back in business and what is the first order of business to grab the headlines? Well of course it is the attempts of two superstars to leave their team and play somewhere else; preferable where and with whom they want.  Same shit, different month.  
     Remember: hate the players; love the game.  When you watch sports on TV; may I suggest you turn off the sound to exclude you from all the bullshit that goes on in the sporting world.   Enjoy the game and loath the people. Repeat after me...
   Isn't DeSean Jackson a wonderful example of today's athlete.  Every week he lowers the bar on how to act and be a teammate.  How long is going to be before a fellow Eagle kicks the shit out him on the sidelines?  I don't think he will be able to run out of bounds to avoid being hit on that one...
    Albert Pujols in Anaheim?  Go figure.  Good for me.  Now I can sit and listen to those late night games on the west coast with some interest.  King Albert indeed.  By the way: I question whether or not he was a user of something back in the day.  If you saw him about 5-6 years ago, he was huge.  Fucking ripped.  A monster.  I'm not saying...I'm just saying.
    How about CP3?  Ohh, too bad.  Never liked him.  As I said before, he just looks like a prick and let's not forget... I'm rarely wrong.
    Carolina lost to Kentucky this week and I didn't get too upset with the loss.  It was game in which either team could have won.  Next time they play, UNC will beat those cheating bastards (Bob Knight's word about Kentucky).
    Last thing: Oilers defense still stinks!

United States/ESPN - One in the Same

   I am astounded how the USA is so blatantly oblivious to the fact that everyone hates them.  They continue to blather on and on about how great they are, without once ever spending a moment reflecting upon what reality is concerning what the world thinks of them.  Of course, they would argue that they don't care what the world thinks of them, because they are the greatest and what does it matter that those less than them don't like it.  Such an amazing disillusioned point of view.  
   You take an example such as the 9/11 situation to see the arrogance of the Americans.  Instead of taking a hard look at themselves on why someone would do that to them (Jesus, could it be because everyone hates us???), they choose to stupidly continue on with the 'greatest country in the world' rhetoric.  They refused to even consider that they may be the problem, and instead crank up the 'God Bless America' bullshit, non-stop, 24/7.  And with the overall intelligence level of the USA being what it is, the brainless masses; buy in; hook,line, and sinker.  They come out of a situation that should have snapped them into reality, more full of themselves than ever before.  It is easy to understand how they can fall for this crock: tell yourself something enough times, you will eventually believe it; ignorance is bliss; stupid is as stupid does;  or throw enough shit against the wall and some will eventually stick (my favorite!).  Whatever; the Americans continue to throw around terms like 'the greatest country in the world'; ' it could only happen in  America (really???)', 'God bless America (and what … fuck everyone else???)', without thinking about how the the rest of the world perceives them.  
    Two recent occurrences in the sporting world have led TAB to draw a parallel between these occurrences and the USA, and their way of life.  First was the Penn State situation in which I see the whole idyllic world of Joe Pa and Penn State reflects how the dream of sports and the American way of life is so fucked up that it is beyond explanation.  The Americans love the idea of this old man, who has been so wonderful and above reproach; as well as successful, for over fifty years; living the American dream.  Only in America could this old fart still be coaching, winning, educating, leading young men into adulthood, building libraries, raising huge amounts of money for the causes and education.  And then the reality of how things came to be at Penn State hit like a ton of bricks.  How could this be? they cried.  The American dream, God bless America, blah, blah, blah.  This little pretend world they wanted to be seen as the example of the 'greatest country in the world' came tumbling down amid charges of sexual predators and ass covering (no pun intended!).  It wasn't what they thought is was, which is a wonderful example of the USA.  You can go on and on about how great Joe Pa and Penn State was by saying it over and over again until everyone believes it, but the reality of it is that Joe Pa and Penn State exhibit the problems that all places and countries have.  They are not unusual.  Their is bad shit going on everywhere.  Accept it as factor and don't pretend that it isn't happening.  
   The next shit storm was/is Syracuse University .  A second iconic coach in an alleged questionable situation.  Another assistance coach preying upon young boys and nothing apparently done about it.  Another tremendously successful program with a coach that has been their over forty years  with a situation, at best; poorly handled  at the police/legal/administrative level.  The interesting twist in this situation is the 'Evil Empire' - ESPN is involved.  The fact the the 'Mothership' withheld a taped telephone conversation between a victim and the wife of the alleged perp, for not a couple days, or weeks, but EIGHT years, makes this a bit of a sticky wicket to say the least.   ESPN, who fancy themselves as the 'world wide leader' (they haven't really said in what they are the world wide leader…) claims innocence in that they didn't have any other evidence other than the one victim.  Hmmmm?   More likely they were sitting on the story until they could 'break' it and get the credit and  acclimation that goes with breaking a major story.  When ESPN came under tremendous criticism for their actions, they started covering their asses as quickly as possible, along with claiming disbelief that they could be under such scrutiny for something they did or did not do.  To me the parallel of wanting to be the greatest (greatest country in the world, world wide leader) and accepting responsibility or taking the shit thrown at them when they fuck up, is exactly like the country USA.  They want it all: to be the greatest, to have everyone love/fear them, to dominate all parts of life; yet when things go to hell  hey, don't blame me.  We're the greatest, everyone loves us, we're the greatest (repeat infinitum).  ESPN wants to and certainly does dominate sports.  Everything from schedules, TV rights, starting times, where games are played, to broadcasters, are controlled by the 'Mothership'.  They fancy themselves as 'news' providers, hence the crossover from sports to real world news concerning Syracuse.  And then in this situation, they hide behind the 'we did everything legally that we should have' defense.  Legally?  How about morally?  Do you think that this alleged life-long sexual pedophile/predator has suddenly given up his pre-occupation with young boys, during the past EIGHT years whilst you hoarded over those telephone tapes, until you could break the big story?  Nice.  Real fucking great of you.  And now that the shit has hit the fan, you want to claim innocence and deflect the blame and cover your asses? 
Gawd… bless America!