I love the Vancouver area. We live in the asshole of the world and Vancouver is paradise. Fuck! The only thing that drives me crazy about the coast is having to go on the ferries to get anywhere. It starts with the leaving times. Me being paranoid about time and always being worried about not getting on the boat, I of course have to get there well in advance of the time recommended, which results in us waiting long periods, making the trip much longer. The waiting in line to get on the ferry always involve having to go to the washroom, and of course when you are there, getting something to drink and having to repeat the process in another half hour (the joy of being fifty-six years old).
Then you get on the ferry. Being sceptical and cynical, I always question how it is that they choose the lines to let in first. I want to go first and I always scream that it should be my turn, not the fucking yahoo parked beside me. Hey, I got here before this fucking yutz, and yet he gets to go before me. I start the journey off in a pissed off mode and a more sceptical than before.
Once I get onto the ship, they start telling you that you have to get out of the vehicle and go up on deck. Well, I don't really like to have to go sit with other people that I don't know and most assuredly don't want to know. So I sit in my car, comfy and happy, yet always worrying that the 'ferry leave the car police' will appear suddenly and roust me from my peaceful little world and force me up on deck, where I might have to socialize. Gawd forbide!
Then the bouncing and pounding of waves begin. Bud-a-bing, bud-a-boom, waves, tossing and turning, churning my stomach like a milk shake. Hour after hour, never ending. How can you ever get a moments sleep? Whenever we go on a trip, MDW, who loves to watch the daily new, (between cat naps, of course) and invariably she will see some kind of disaster either where we are going, or by the method of our travel. If we are traveling to the coast, she will inform me of some tragedy involving four thousand people on a ferry in Indonesia, whilst having a party, killing all involved. Lovely. Just what I want to hear when I feel those waves crashing and banging into the side of our ferry. I sit in fear the entire ferry ride, thinking about the poor Indonesian bastards, drowning like rats. Can I get any more frightened?
Then comes the rush of everyone coming back to their vehicles and the selection begins on who get to exit first. Why is it always me last? Is it because they saw that I didn't get out of my car and they are punishing me? I believe that to be so. Waiting, waiting, waiting, soon it will be my turn. I got into such a state once that I forgot to put the car in gear and when it was my turn to go, I got into a panic. Jesus, I felt stupid when everyone was forced to wait whilst I went through all the possible situations on the unknown dashboard, before finding the most obvious one to be the solution. Luck I wasn't behind me in line or I would have gone fucking crazy, screaming and yelling about being prepared and all the other things that I childishly yell when I am not getting my way on the roads.
And the cost… they might as well take my left arm. Do you have any choice in this little negotiation? Of course not. You pay through the nose, time and time again. It's not like you can drive around the ocean to avoid going on the ferry. They have you by the proverbial short and curlies.
Why can't we have a thing like Star Trek? Transporters. I get to the shore, they transport me and my vehicle to where ever I want to go. Is that so hard? They discovered transporters in the sixties (Star Trek was real… right?). Why not now? Oh no, we have to spend four to six hours to get to Victoria from Vancouver. Again, is it any wonder why I want to sit in my bubble and not go anywhere or see anyone.
I am sitting here at the Langdale Ferry, at Horseshoe Bay, waiting for the 1:20 crossing. It is Easter weekend and it is expected to be busy so we have gotten here at about 11:15, just missing the 11:20 crossing (which we were not planning to go on). So here we sit. We were the first vehicle in. No one ahead of us. They put us in lane 82. Where the fuck do they get the number 82?
Do they know my I.Q.?) They do not have 82 lanes in the entire ferry system, yet we are stuck in lane 82.
First in, first on, right…? Fucking right. I am going to go crazy if we don't get to go first. We are next to a Handicapped lane, and they got here at about 12:45. If they get in ahead of me, I will go fucking ballistic. Mental handicapped is not a reason to let someone in ahead of me. Am I right…? There is also some old fart on a motorcycle. Again if he gets in ahead of me, I will flip out.
Here's an oldie but a goody: some asshole walking in front of our car talking so loud that we can hear him though the closed windows. Ya, that's what I want to hear buddy, your fucking story. Guess what? No body cares. Fuck off and get in your vehicle and shut the hell up.
15 minutes later:
Fucking motorcyclist got on first, then handicappers. WTF? Is there no justice in the world? How come I don't get my way? We are third on. I am crushed…
Hour later
Sitting in the Superstore in Sechelt. Brother in law parked so far away (to avoid other vehicles) that I can just make out Superstore by its green colour off in the horizon. I am glad that I don't have to haul the groceries from there to here. He also parked in two spots, again to avoid any nicks on his door. I have practiced my answer if someone says anything: Hey don't talk to me, it's not my fault that my bother-in-law parks like an asshole!
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