Customer Service Bullshit

LeBron, you make it so easy.  Every time you open your mouth, you put the ball on a tee and let me slam it! 

However; I must talk about other things today.  Is it not great fun to try and get a situation solved by phone? I wrote about having to spend over ten days and seven phone calls to get my satellite radio working.  Back and forth, call after call, accomplishing nothing and just getting more and more frustrated.

I have come to the conclusion that all customer services personal have but one goal: to get you off of the phone without doing anything.  It is like they get paid by the phone call and the faster they can get you off of the phone and on to another call, the more money they make.  They couldn't give a fiddlers's fuck if they help you, they just tell you whatever you want to hear, or whatever will get you off of the phone.  They will promise you anything; just hang up the phone.  The faster the better.

After nothing happens and you get pissed off and call back; the next customer service personal will tell you that the first person was wrong and that is not how your problem will be solved.  So who do you believe now?  Why should I believe this person and not the last person?  Which one didn't know what they were talking about?   Now this person will promise you something and apologize repeatedly for the first persons mistakes.  The promises just keep coming and; as is their goal, they get you off of the phone.

Where does one learn this kind of bullshit?  Is there a customer service collage that teaches these people the devious little tricks that they use to avoid solving your problem.  I am very sure that many people give up and don't get their problems solved, which mean victory for them.  In almost all cases where you are trying to get a problem solved; they have your money and if you just give up - Ka- ching for them.

I am dealing with a problem with UPS an allegedly reputable company.  A couple of weeks ago, while opening and sorting another huge package; UPS arrived and announced that I had to pay $12.21 COD.  I had ordered a long antenna cord for my radio and had never had to pay COD before, despite ordering many things for my radio before.  I figured ok, no problem and I paid.  The guy gave me a flat package and drove away.  I was busy cutting up an enormous box and when I got around to the other package, all I found in it was two brokerage papers.  My first thought was that they would deliver the package later, after having to get the brokerage fees.  I was not too concerned.

For the next week or so I kind of forgot about the package until I decided to go to the UPS store in Sherwood Park.  Of course the guy there told me that it wasn't there problem and to call UPS.  OK!

I called UPS and got a guy who was shocked that there was nothing in my package.  I explained the situation and he went into ' Just a minute I'll look into this' bullshit.  I explained and explained and explained, finally answering with a little annoyance that I did not keep the envelope because how was I to know to do that .  My 'helper' achieved his goal by telling me that he has gotten a supervisor involved and that he will call me within one day.  Hmmm… I wonder if that mean business day or real day.  So as usual, nothing got done and I was left to wait for 'a supervisor phone call'.  What a fucking joke and I am stupid enough to believe that they really are going to call.  How do you spell GULL-A-BULL?

   Well, I waited on Friday and guess what?  You are correct sir… no supervisor phone call.  Of course I did not expect anything on the weekend because those aren't 'business days'.  

     Monday was a busy day with things to do so I didn't wait at home for a call, but I did check the missed calls and surprise, surprise… they didn't call.  So today I had to call again to see what is going to be done about my missing purchase.  I had bought a antenna for about thirty dollars and had to pay another 30 dollars for shipping and twelve for brokerage fees; meaning I was out seventy-two dollars of which UPS had over forty. 

I called UPS and a perky little number named Rene informed me that my situation had been turned over to the sender of the package.  Huh?  I asked what happened to the phone call and was told that supervisors didn't phone people.  I asked why I had been told that this was going to happen and was told that that was wrong.  So again, who do I believe?  How is it that customer service people all seem to be on different pages.  Could it be it is because they are all making the fucking things up as they go?  I asked how it was that I was told one thing and now something completely different is happening and exactly  how I was supposed to know that.  Of course there was more apologies and humming and hawing, but as usual, no answers.  So what am I to do I asked.  Call the sender.  Oh joy!

I looked at the bill of sale and phoned the number on the page.  Can't be reached from Canada.  Fucking great. Now what?  I go to the almightily Internet (you know that they have the internet on the computer now….) and find another number.  I make the call and get Jeff.  I gave him my story and of course he doesn't know anything about it nor can he find anything about it.  He says I'll call UPS and find out what is going on and 'I'LL GET BACK TO YOU!'.  Another hallow promise, I assume.  Foolishly, I hang up the phone and here I sit, waiting for another promised phone call.  How fucking stupid am I?  When will I ever learn? The guy actually asked me if he could get ahold of me at 780-467-5131? Yes i replied.  Again I ask you, how stupid am I?  What are the chances that I will hear from them ?… Slim and none, and slim just left town. Keener, where are you?  I need your advocacy. 

(Wednesday - no phone calls! Surprise, surprise!)