I never used to like football too much. I thought that you had to be nuts (actually stupid!) to play a game in which pain was the dominant factor. I am still surprised that there is not someone literally maimed on each and every play. It is a vicious, violent game. I am too much of a wimp to play football; however, I have gained considerable respect and admiration for football and the players in the past ten years.
I credit this to my friend Pete, who was a football player of some alleged skill (according to him). Whilst spending considerable time with Pete, I have discovered that he has certainly taken too many hits to the head; however he is also not stupid. Maybe football players are not what I assumed they were. I might have been wrong (And my motto is: I am rarely wrong and when I am; I don't admit it!).
After many discussions with Pete, I have come to change my beliefs about football, and I have begun to watching the game on TV. HD has certainly made football watching much more enjoyable; but there are several things that drive me crazy about the game. Such as:
- Long haired football players. WTF? I have had enough of guys running around the field with hair down to their ass. Every team now has at least five guys with long, flowing hair, covering their names and half of their numbers. Usually it is the corner backs. Enough already! Although I do like it when these long haired guys get tackled by someone grabbing their locks. Serves them right. Ouch!
- Players making a wiping motion with one hand, palm towards their faces, after they have made a play. WTF does that mean? Why do they do it? It means nothing.
- Sack dances. Isn't it the job of the defensive linemen to tackle the QB? So if you do it, why do you have to dance around like your ass is on fire? Just what I want to see... some fat bastard dancing around with his blubber all jiggly (former fat man's revenge!). Get your fat ass back into the huddle and catch your breath. You're going to need it tubby!
- TD dances. They are just fucking stupid. Act like you have done it before (Dean Smith's advice). Is someone (DeSean Jackson perhaps?) going to light himself on fire after a TD just to get people to look at them?
- Defensive team trying to rip the ball out of the ball carriers hands, instead of tackling them. Again it is a simple case of someone trying to be the hero instead of making the play. Typical athlete of today. That way they get themselves on ESPN. It's all about face time.
- Fumbles. I hate when there is a fumble. Ten fat guys diving, punching, scratching, grabbing, fighting, pinching, gouging, biting and whatever else is going on at the bottom of the human mosh pit (groping?). How they figure out who has the ball is beyond me. All I know is that I quickly turn the channel when a fumble occurs and turn back fifteen minutes later just as they unravel the humanity and give the ball to someone. Usually it is the team I don't like.
- Brett Favre. Ha, ha, ha. What a fucking joke. This year couldn't have happened to a more deserving person than the selfish, drama queen himself.
- Penalties are a joke in football. They could call probably five penalties each play. How do you decide when to call a penalty or not? I guess you give the officials the leeway to make a judgement call. That is a recipe for a fucking disaster. Referee's... fuck'em all!
- Dumping Gatorade on the coach. The first time it happened, it was funny. Ever since then, it has sucked. Doing this to the coach in -15 degrees weather in Minnesota is cruel and unusual punishment. STOP.
- Moving the chains. This is the 21st Century. Can't we have a better system that two retards in funny uniforms, with long sticks and a chain strung between them? How about something using a computer, or lasers, or GPS? Lets get up to speed with technology and change this ridiculous, archaic system.
- Spotting the ball after a play. Read the statement above concerning lasers, computers etc. Don't depend on some fucking referee to do it. I repeat: Fuck the refs!
- Pounding chests. WTF does that mean? HHHMMM, me strong! Give me banana. What are they... baboons?
- Overtime. IT IS NOT FAIR! I don't really care much for the collage game's overtime, but at least each team get a chance. Come on NFL, think about it. You can do better than what you have now. I can't wait until some team wins the Super Bowl in overtime and the other team did not even get a chance. That is when the shit will hit the preverbal fan.
- Rex Ryan. How about grabbing a great big can of shut the hell up, lard ass? Win something before you declare yourself great. On top of it, your coaches cheat. Something about apples not falling far from the tree...
- Concussions. With all the technology in the world; we can't make a better football helmet than what they have now? Doesn't someone understand that there is big money to be made if they make a better hat for the football players? Of coarse it doesn't help that you have gigantic, incredibly muscular, speeding human beings slamming into each other, every play. Remember what I said about someone getting maimed on each play...
- Shirtless fans. They should be taken out of the stadium and beaten. They are too stupid to live.
- Jumping celebrations. Tiresome already.
- DeSean Jackson. I can't wait until some big, mean linebacker breaks him in half. What a fucking clown. From the first game he played and his first touchdown, he has proven that he is world class asshole. Another perfect example of the modern athlete. I am sure that he hangs with LBJ and the likes.
- The playoff system. It drives me crazy when the sports talk shows discuss how teams are going to get into the playoffs. The mathematics involved boggle the mind. How about if we just wait a while and it will all take care of its self? Talk about verbal masturbation.
Other than that I love watching football. Can't wait for the playoffs.
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