Parking Lots

    I spend a lot of time in parking lots.  In fact most of life is spent sitting in my car observing the goings on of parking lots. My wife loves to shop and I'm her ride so... I call it driving Miss Crazy.  There are a lot of things going on in parking lots and generally most of it pisses me off.  When not reading I just sit and watch.
    Let's start with some really bad parking lots.
    The single worst parking lot in the city of Edmonton, without question is the 97St Market.  What a shit show.  It is fucking Thunder-dome.  Anything goes. Now I must admit that they have tried to improve the situation by closing the entrance at the corner or 97th and 107; however, it is of little consequence. Every time  you go there it becomes a used car lot with nobody moving. The Asian culture must include sitting and waiting for grandma to grocery shop, whilst blocking everyone else from moving.  I refuse to go into there any more.  We park on the street and my wife walks.
    The TD bank in Sherwood Park off of the Freeway is a gong show.  People love to park anywhere because they need to 'just pop in'.  Fucking great!
    Costco is always fun.  It's never busy, is it?  Carts everywhere, fat assed people wandering down the middle of the roads, eating hot dogs, special people parking in front of the doors because they need to just grab something.  Then you get to stand in line...  Kill me now!
    Italian Centre downtown brings into play the street people who love to harass you in your car (97 St. Market is bad for this also).  There is about twelve spots available to park and people start parking illegally on the little side road, which makes coming out and going in an adventure.  Luckily there is good food or I would refuse to go there.
    South side Italian market has a lousy parking lot also.  There is never any spaces.  One thing that I have observed is how mean looking the Italian Nona's are. (I have a theory about that after watching many Nonas come and go at the Italian Centre.  My theory is that Italian women are very beautiful when young; however, they lose their looks quickly and as they get older, they get really pissed off about it - hence the miserable looks! It's just a theory based on observation but tell me I'm wrong!)
    WEM.  Why would anyone possibly go there to shop? Just to drive around and around all day looking for a spot?
    Now for the parking situations that drive me crazy:
- Parking at an angle instead of straight.  Fucking special people doing whatever they want.  Lucky for them I do not act upon my first thought of keying their car or parking the same way beside them and repeatedly open my door and hitting their door. I'm such a pussy!
- Not parking between the lines.  Everyone on earth wants world peace.  Ha!  How the fuck can we achieve something as difficult as world peace when we can't get people to agree to stay within two yellow lines.  It really is not that fucking difficult, is it?
  -  Creating your own parking space.  I love when people come to a lot and find that others actually got there before them, so because they are special, they just create there own parking area where there wasn't one before.  Of course the other retards then start following along and soon the road to drive in and out gets eliminated.  But that's ok.  These are special, entitled people who deserve it.
- I have already written in another blog about people who park in the front of stores and banks just because... they too are the special people in the world who do whatever they want.  Fuck 'em!
- Waiting for a parking spot.  Isn't it great to be stuck behind some ignorant asshole who insists upon waiting for fifteen minutes to get a spot.  Indoor parking lots are great for this.  Nobody moves but luckily buddy got his spot.
- The people making everyone wait for their spot. It's great when someone puts their boughten goods into the car and then takes fifteen to twenty minutes to vacate the spot.  They light up a smoke; they have a conversation on the cell phone; they talk with their co-pilot - the dog, they finish that last nineteen bites of a dried up cannoli, finish that coffee, or whatever the hell else they do. Meanwhile everyone waits, and waits, and waits.
- Aren't car alarms going off in a parking lot wonderful?  Don't they serve that purpose that they were intended to serve?  Everyone rushes over to capture someone robbing or swiping the car... right? Not fucking likely.  Instead, people would like to go to that car and blow it up.  Car alarms are useless.
- Driving fast in a parking lot.  Brilliant idea.  Kids, old farts, fat assed people, all walking in and out of hidden areas and Mario Andretti is gunning it up and down the lanes.  Again, some people are too stupid to live.
- Canadian Tire is a good one for this. People doing car repairs in the parking lot and then throwing their old parts and crap on the ground.  Fucking hillbillies!
- Shopping carts.  People can't walk eleven steps to put their carts away.  I'll just leave this here and block another parking spot.  As long as I don't get put out, that is the important thing.  How about hillbillies riding carts in the parking lots?  This is usually done to entertain young children.  Retards.  And those kids were usually in my class and I was supposed to teach them to read.  
    Christmas shopping is a great time for parking lots.  I suggest you all take a little trip to one of my favourites and see for yourself.